IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
People have different views about the major environmental issues for us.It is considered by some that the significant problem is the absence of specific
creatures
while
 others guess there are several problems.I would argue that the former is the main environmental issue. The option to other important issues is attractive for several reasons.
Firstly
,with the development of industry,more and more companies release sewage without management,allowing
to
Change preposition
apply
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the toxic liquid
get
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to get
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 into the soil and lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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soil erosion.Take the case of many factories in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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,in order to save money,they tend to release the useless
wasted
Verb problem
apply
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waste to the river or the ground surface.
Besides
,light pollution is one of the
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
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 in our environment.Many companies use light for
atmosphere
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the atmosphere
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 without limitation,and it significantly
pollute
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pollutes
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 our environment.
For instance
,in my
living
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apply
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city,there are many shops turning on the lights whatever day and night,which
cause
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causes
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a
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apply
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massive
wasteful
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waste
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 and pollution.
On the other hand
,
i
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I
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 believe that the lack of
creatures
 is the most important problem for the environment.
To begin
 with,
due to
 the massive absence of that,our ecosystem
have
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has
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 been destroyed and even
have
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has
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 a serious effect
for
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on
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human
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humans
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.Take the case of the disappearance of the trees in the city,more and more natural
disaster
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disasters
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 like
sandstorm
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sandstorms
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 have happened without the
trees
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tree's
trees'
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 protection.
Besides
,it is
also
 a crucial impact for fuel without several
creatures
.
For instance
,many fuel
resource
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resources
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 can’t
generate
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be generated
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 without some coal or natural
source
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sources
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 so
that
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apply
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it
could not
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cannot
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 ignore the lack of some specific species like plants and animals. For the reasons mentioned above,it seems to me that the lack of
creatures
are
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is
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 more likely the most crucial environmental
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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task achievement
You started your essay with a clear introduction, but it could be improved by explaining both views in more detail before stating your opinion. Make sure the introductory paragraph adequately sets up the discussion points.
task achievement
When discussing other important issues, try to provide a clearer explanation of each point and how it compares to the loss of species. This will help in developing a more balanced discussion.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your main points. This will help in making your arguments more convincing and well-rounded.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay's structure is somewhat logical, but it can be improved by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single idea. Include topic sentences and clear transitions between paragraphs to improve flow.
coherence and cohesion
Try to develop clearer connections between your ideas. For example, explain how the development of industry directly threatens specific species and how this loss of species then cascades into other environmental problems.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to have a distinct conclusion that restates your opinion and briefly summarizes your main points to leave a strong final impression.
task achievement
You provided a valid opinion and attempted to discuss both views, which shows a good understanding of the essay requirements.
task achievement
Your essay includes some relevant points like the release of sewage and light pollution, which are valid concerns in environmental discussions.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a moderate level of structure, with an introduction and body paragraphs that somewhat follow a logical sequence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
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