IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. This has negative effect on family and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#food #effect #society
Food
 is the most important thing in human life, so you should always be careful about what you eat.
For example
, you can't spend all your life eating international fast
food
 and drinking sodas every day.
This
 will literally ruin your body.
Therefore
, you should have balance. You can't eat more than 3 fast
food
 meals a week,
due to
 all the issues that will happen to your body.
However
, traditional
food
 is mostly healthier than fast
food
, and
that is
 exactly what your body needs. If you want to eat more international fast
food
,
then
 you will have to do more exercise.
While
 you eat a
lot
 of fast
food
, more and more fat you'll get, so you'll have to do exercises to not be so unhealthy. A
lot
 of people like to do exercises after eating,
such
 as walking or running for a few miles. You should never stop exercising no matter what you eat.
In other words
, traditional
food
 is mostly better and much healthier, even though fast
food
 sometimes tastes better. So you should eat what you want to eat, but if you want to eat a
lot
 of fast
food
,
then
 you will have to do a
lot
 of
exercise
Change to a plural noun
exercises
show examples
.
Overall
, we get that exercising is what you need to do all the time, and not worry that much about what you eat. Whether it was traditional
food
 or fast
food
. Unless you want to be fit,
then
 you'll have to focus more on traditional
food
.
Submitted by h9715823 on

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task response
Your essay should directly address the essay prompt more clearly. Focus on whether you agree or disagree with the statement that traditional food being replaced by international fast food has a negative effect on family and society.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. This will make your essay more coherent.
task response
Provide specific examples or data that supports your argument. This will strengthen your essay and make your points more convincing.
task response
Your conclusion should summarize the main points of your essay and restate your position. This helps to reinforce your argument and provides a satisfying end to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Develop a clear introduction that sets the stage for your argument, and make sure your conclusion draws your arguments together in a logical way.
task response
The essay mentions the importance of balancing fast food with exercise, which is a good point.
task response
You provide a rationale for why traditional food is healthier, which shows an understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • fast food chains
  • traditional food consumption
  • intricate preparation
  • family gatherings
  • cultural identity
  • convenience
  • unhealthy eating habits
  • calorie content
  • health issues
  • local economies
  • culinary diversity
  • culinary skills
  • environmental impact
  • packaging waste
  • sustainable food sourcing
  • lifestyle
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