IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart shows the results of surveys in one African country asking teenagers the main reasons for using their phones between 2016 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows the results of surveys in one African country asking teenagers the main reasons for using their phones between 2016 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The picture illustrates the result of different reasons teenagers in certain African
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 use their phones for
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
four years period: 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. From the data, it can be seen that the main reason teenagers in
this
Linking Words
 country
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 their phones
were
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 mainly for social networks. There was 50% of them who used it to socialize in 2016.
Although
Linking Words
 it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly decreased in 2017, the number jumped back in 2018 and hit
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 highest point at 56% in 2019. The usage of digital
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
 was
also
Linking Words
 the other reason for them to
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 it.
Although
Linking Words
 there was a slight stagnant point between 2016 and 2017, the number
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 to
increased
Change the verb
increase
show examples
 by 3% and 2% in 2018 and 2019 respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there were
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 adolescents who used their
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 to
email
Use synonyms
 or
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 calls.
Initially
Linking Words
, there was 25% of them who used it for
email
Use synonyms
 in 2016.
However
Linking Words
, the number of adolescents that used it to
email
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually decreased
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each passing
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 until only 19% of them
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
used the
phone
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
email
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
 despite there
was
Replace the word
being
show examples
 a 3% increase in teenagers that used their
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 to
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 calls in 2016,
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each passing
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
, it gradually decreased until hit it
lowest
Correct pronoun usage
its lowest
show examples
 point
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 5% in 2019. In conclusion, the main reasons
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adolescents in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
certain African
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
was for
Verb problem
are
show examples
 social networks and the usage of digital
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, although".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words phone, email with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • noticeable shift
  • communication preferences
  • considerably declined
  • functionalities
  • reflecting global trends
  • emerging trend
  • educational use of technology
  • diversification
  • traditional communication
  • digital forms of communication
  • instant messaging
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