IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The plan below show a public park when it is first opened in 1920 and same park today. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#plan #show #park #first #information #features #comparisons
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The provided maps depict the changes that Grange
Park
 has gone through, from the initial phase of starting till now.
Overall
, there has been a drastic transformation of
park
 facilities and arrangement of various utilities which has enhanced the aesthetic view that attracts a lot of tourists. The stage for musicians which used to exist in
beginning
Correct article usage
the beginning
show examples
 is transformed into a highly advanced amphitheatre for concerts.
Similarly
, the existing fountain is replaced by a rose garden with seating arrangements all around it.
In addition
 to that, the rose garden that was on the right side of the entrance from Arnold Avenue was removed and a cafe has been introduced over there. The pond for water plants as seen on the top right corner of the plan as per 1920 is converted to a children's play area
whereas
 , the rose garden on the top left still persists. All the seats placed around the territory of the
park
 are removed.
Additionally
, the glass house was changed to a water feature for entertainment purposes and provision for an underground
park
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 made which lies on the first right along Eldon Street.
Submitted by ashokbohara0691 on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the main changes in the park, it would benefit from a clearer and more structured introduction and conclusion to better frame your analysis.
coherence cohesion
The essay connects different points well; however, using more cohesive devices like 'in contrast,' 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' etc., could enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Maintain a consistent level of detail throughout the essay. For instance, you mention the removal of seats and the introduction of a cafe, which is great, but perhaps you could also discuss any additional paths or walkways if they exist.
task achievement
The essay effectively highlights the main features and changes that have occurred in the park. This shows a good understanding of the task.
task achievement
Your use of specific details, such as the transformation of the musician's stage and the removal of the pond for water plants, adds depth to your response.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure and organization of the essay are good. Each paragraph focuses on specific changes, making it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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