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Band 2

The trable demostrates the change in six types of transportation used by commuters in three cities between 2000 and 2010.

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The graph shows the change in six different types of transportation that have been used by
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 in three cities in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 2000 and 2010.
Overall
, there are three different types of transportation
like
Change preposition
apply
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Perth
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 had the highest, and the
second
 one was Melbourne.
Following
this
, it was Sydney. The highest
percent
Replace the word
percentage
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 was represented by Perth with other types of transportation
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 30.2.
Besides
this
, the same
city
 had and
second
 place Mass transit with 21. The
second
 one was Melbourne with the highest per cent with Bicycle with 17.2. The same
city
 presented a
second
 position with Mass Transit with 15.7. The less use was in the
city
Sydney
Change preposition
of Sydney
show examples
 with minus 3.9 at work at home.
After
this
 was Personal vehicles with minus 3.3,
However
, the highest in
this
city
 was Bicycle with 31.
Submitted by cuevas14dic on

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task response
The essay needs more clarity in presenting the main points. Break down the information category-wise and discuss each transportation type separately within each city.
coherence and cohesion
The flow of information can be improved for better coherence. Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one. Consider using linking words and phrases for better cohesion.
task response
The essay provides an overall view of the data and attempts to highlight the highest and lowest points in each city.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction is concise and provides a clear idea about the content of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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