IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

n Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Senior citizens frequently move to old
age
Use synonyms
 homes in Britain, and I believe the central administration should be responsible for their living costs.
This
Linking Words
 ought to be
due to
Linking Words
 the inability of some families to support the elder ones and the laws of tax collection imposed by the officials. First and foremost, few families are unable to afford proper care for their parents and grandparents so they send them to old
age
Use synonyms
 centres; hoping the government will sustain their living expenses.
For example
Linking Words
, In Vietnam, it is a rule that whenever children are financially restricted from supporting their parents, they must be sent to retirement
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 for better facilities. If the family was
otherwise
Linking Words
 able to provide better medical aid, Why would they send parents to old
age
Use synonyms
 homes?
Therefore
Linking Words
, government should be accountable for providing optimal care to senior citizens at
such
Linking Words
 facilities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, taxes are collected from individuals throughout their working lives in the form of income tax and pension plans, so they are utilized in the later years of life for reliability and satisfaction.
For example
Linking Words
, Britain deducts billions of dollars in taxes from employees' paychecks to assure them
financial
Change preposition
of financial
show examples
 stability as they retire.
Consequently
Linking Words
, people work their entire lives to be financially relieved after retirement.
Thus
Linking Words
, the country should be responsible for the maintenance of centres, and providing medical aid and shelter to senior citizens. In conclusion, people who live in old
age
Use synonyms
 homes should be assisted by the government. Owing to the fact that some unfortunate families are incapable of looking after their elders and these seniors have been paying taxes for a better future, for most of their lives.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing the task and provides a well-rounded response. One suggestion for improvement is to add more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, and consider adding transitional phrases between paragraphs to further enhance the flow.
task achievement
You presented clear, comprehensive ideas in response to the task, making your main points easy to understand.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively structured, providing clarity and summarizing your points well.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: