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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

One long-distance flight consumes fuel which a car uses in several years’ time, but they cause the same amount of pollution. So, some people think that we should discourage non-essential flights, such as tourist travel, rather than to limit the use of cars.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#flight #fuel #car #years’ #time #amount #pollution #people #flights #tourist #travel #limit #cars
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One
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
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 flight consumes fuel which a car uses in several years’ time, but they cause the same amount of pollution. So some people think we should discourage non-essential
flights
, rather than
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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limit the use of cars. I am one of those people and here are some reasons why.
Firstly
 gasses emitted by planes,
such
 as carbon dioxide, nitrous oxides,
sulfur
Correct word choice
and sulfur
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 dioxide, cause a greenhouse or similar effect which causes a rise in temperature, more severe storms, increased drought and so on.
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
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 ultrafine aviation particles possibly cause nearly 280,000 cases of high blood pressure, 330,000 cases of diabetes and 18,000 cases of dementia. These are only a few problems caused by airplane
flights
 which have skyrocketed in the past few decades. Solutions to plane travel are quite simple. You can just try to fly less, maybe travel by train or drive a car, and don’t plan trips to particularly remote countries, maybe resort to ones closer to you. But there’s only so much one simple citizen can do, some actions should be taken by the billionaires and superstars that fly their private jets even for the shortest
flights
.
For example
 Taylor Swift,
she
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
travels distances that could literally be walked. To summarize planes emit lots of unhealthy gasses and their carbon footprint is
also
 quite significant but there are ways that we can counteract these difficulties.
Hopefully
Add a comma
Hopefully,
show examples
 we can get on the right track and decrease the amount of these
flights
 in the upcoming years.
Submitted by oimigle on

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task achievement
Ensure that your main points are comprehensively supported with examples or data to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear, logical progression of ideas within paragraphs. Make sure all parts are clearly linked and introduced
task achievement
Include counterarguments to show a balanced understanding of the issue, and then refute them to strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames the argument.
task achievement
You present a clear stance on the issue, stating your agreement with limiting non-essential flights.
language use
You provide a good range of vocabulary and appropriate use of complex sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon footprint
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • sustainable travel
  • non-essential flights
  • tourist travel
  • climate change
  • eco-friendly technology
  • global economies
  • technological advancements
  • alternative solutions
  • high-speed rail
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