Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.
More people with health issues are becoming increasingly interested in trying
alternative
medications
and treatments instead
of consulting their usual doctor. I believe that is
a negative development because of the lack of medical credibility of alternative
medical practitioners
and the many unsupervised medications
that they use.
While
doctors are equipped with scientific medical knowledge from their degrees, a lot of alternative
medical practitioners
don't have any medical credentials to prove their expertise. Often times they are only learning about health and medicines through cultural practices
that lack scientific-proven data and methodologies. For instance
, in Indonesia, many alternative
medical practitioners
, which are called "dukun" don't have any medical background. Instead
, they are mostly associated with superstitions rather than sciences.
Due to
the fact that many alternative
medication practitioners
are not legally recognized, many of the medications
that they use are not supervised. Although
these practices
are already widely accepted, the government still don't consider these practices
as legal, hence
the medications
that they use are not supervised. This
could lead to many medical side effects for the patients. For instance
, many alternative
medical patients in Indonesia were diagnosed with cancer after taking the medications
prescribed by an alternative
medical practitioner in the city of Madiun in 2012.
In conclusion, I believe the increasing number of people with health issues turning from conventional doctors to alternative
medicines and practices
is a negative development because of the lack of medical credentials and the side effects of drugs of alternative
medicines and practices
.Submitted by aribawadzaki on
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introduction
Try to enhance the introduction by providing a brief background on the rise of alternative medicines and treatments.
grammar
Ensure consistency in verb tenses and correct minor grammatical errors.
task response
Include a third supporting point to further strengthen your argument and meet task response criteria more comprehensively.
thesis statement
The essay provides a clear thesis statement and relevant main points.
logical structure
Each paragraph logically follows the preceding one, contributing to a well-structured essay.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...