IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.

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More people with health issues are becoming increasingly interested in trying
alternative
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medications
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 and treatments
instead
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 of consulting their usual doctor. I believe
that is
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 a negative development because of the lack of medical credibility of
alternative
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 medical
practitioners
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 and the many unsupervised
medications
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 that they use.
While
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 doctors are equipped with scientific medical knowledge from their degrees, a lot of
alternative
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 medical
practitioners
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 don't have any medical credentials to prove their expertise. Often times they are only learning about health and medicines through cultural
practices
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 that lack scientific-proven data and methodologies.
For instance
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, in Indonesia, many
alternative
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 medical
practitioners
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, which are called "dukun" don't have any medical background.
Instead
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, they are mostly associated with superstitions rather than sciences.
Due to
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 the fact that many
alternative
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 medication
practitioners
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 are not legally recognized, many of the
medications
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 that they use are not supervised.
Although
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 these
practices
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 are already widely accepted, the government still don't consider these
practices
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 as legal,
hence
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 the
medications
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 that they use are not supervised.
This
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 could lead to many medical side effects for the patients.
For instance
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, many
alternative
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 medical patients in Indonesia were diagnosed with cancer after taking the
medications
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 prescribed by an
alternative
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 medical practitioner in the city of Madiun in 2012. In conclusion, I believe the increasing number of people with health issues turning from conventional doctors to
alternative
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 medicines and
practices
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 is a negative development because of the lack of medical credentials and the side effects of drugs of
alternative
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 medicines and
practices
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.

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introduction
Try to enhance the introduction by providing a brief background on the rise of alternative medicines and treatments.
grammar
Ensure consistency in verb tenses and correct minor grammatical errors.
task response
Include a third supporting point to further strengthen your argument and meet task response criteria more comprehensively.
thesis statement
The essay provides a clear thesis statement and relevant main points.
logical structure
Each paragraph logically follows the preceding one, contributing to a well-structured essay.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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