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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information on the number of participants of different activities at one social centre in Melburne , Australia for the period from 2000 to 2020.

The graph below gives information on the number of participants of different activities at one social centre in Melburne , Australia for the period from 2000 to 2020.
#information #participants #activities #centre #melburne #australia #period
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Line
Add an article
The line
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 graph illustrates the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
members
Use synonyms
, who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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chose different extracurricular activities at one of the social
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
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, which is located in Melbourne, Australia between 2000 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, the film
club
Use synonyms
 garnered the highest participation rates among Melbourne residents throughout the
period
Use synonyms
. Table tennis and musical performances experienced significant growth in participation towards the later years,
while
Linking Words
 amateur dramatics saw a decline in popularity. One of the most popular activities in any
period
Use synonyms
 of time is Movie
club
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, which has never
fall
Wrong verb form
fallen
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 below 60 participants.
At
Change the preposition
In
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 the beginning,
Film
Correct article usage
the Film
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club
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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stood
on
Change preposition
at
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 the highest point of the value (around 60 to 70).
However
Linking Words
, there is dropped
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 60
club
Use synonyms
members
Use synonyms
 in 2010. After, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
people
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, who are invited to
Movie
Correct article usage
the Movie
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club
Use synonyms
, are
Verb problem
apply
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 increased and
achieve
Verb problem
reached
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 below 70
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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. At the same time,
Martial
Correct article usage
the Martial
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 arts
club
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 has shown
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 fluctuation level on
graph
Correct article usage
the graph
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. In 2020,
this
Linking Words
 type of action is taken
the
Change preposition
by the
show examples
 average of the
club
Use synonyms
’s
people
Use synonyms
 number.
At
Change preposition
In
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 the
mid
Correct your spelling
middle
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 of the
period
Use synonyms
,
indicator
Add an article
the indicator
an indicator
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is risen
Wrong verb form
rose
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 to 40 parties. And again fell down to the same index as at the starting time. In participation
toward to
Change preposition
apply
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the later years is crucial growth by table tennis and musical
performances
Change the noun form
performance
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 clubs. In 2005, and musical performances
club
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 opened and
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
20s
Add a comma
20s,
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 the total number reached less than 20
members
Use synonyms
.
Table
Add an article
The table
A table
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 tennis
club
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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started with less than 20
people
Use synonyms
 and in 2010
attain
Wrong verb form
attained
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 exactly 20 parties,
such
Linking Words
 as
amateur
Correct article usage
the amateur
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 dramatics
club
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
activity
Correct article usage
the activity
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 of amateur dramatics, which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
had participants below
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30 dramatically dropped
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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less than 10
people
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the sport
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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club
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
will
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continued
Wrong verb form
continue
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 until it
is reached
Wrong verb form
reaches
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 more than 50
members
Use synonyms
 in 2020.
Submitted by galkalialex on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words members, club, period, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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