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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information on the number of participants of different activities at one social centre in Melburne , Australia for the period from 2000 to 2020.

The graph below gives information on the number of participants of different activities at one social centre in Melburne , Australia for the period from 2000 to 2020.
#information #participants #activities #centre #melburne #australia #period
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Line
Add an article
The line
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 graph illustrates the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
members
, who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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chose different extracurricular activities at one of the social
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
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, which is located in Melbourne, Australia between 2000 and 2020.
Overall
, the film
club
 garnered the highest participation rates among Melbourne residents throughout the
period
. Table tennis and musical performances experienced significant growth in participation towards the later years,
while
 amateur dramatics saw a decline in popularity. One of the most popular activities in any
period
 of time is Movie
club
, which has never
fall
Wrong verb form
fallen
show examples
 below 60 participants.
At
Change the preposition
In
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 the beginning,
Film
Correct article usage
the Film
show examples
club
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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stood
on
Change preposition
at
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 the highest point of the value (around 60 to 70).
However
, there is dropped
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 60
club
members
 in 2010. After, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
people
, who are invited to
Movie
Correct article usage
the Movie
show examples
club
, are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
 increased and
achieve
Verb problem
reached
show examples
 below 70
at the end
 of the
period
. At the same time,
Martial
Correct article usage
the Martial
show examples
 arts
club
also
 has shown
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 fluctuation level on
graph
Correct article usage
the graph
show examples
. In 2020,
this
 type of action is taken
the
Change preposition
by the
show examples
 average of the
club
’s
people
 number.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the
mid
Correct your spelling
middle
show examples
 of the
period
,
indicator
Add an article
the indicator
an indicator
show examples
is risen
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 to 40 parties. And again fell down to the same index as at the starting time. In participation
toward to
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apply
show examples
the later years is crucial growth by table tennis and musical
performances
Change the noun form
performance
show examples
 clubs. In 2005, and musical performances
club
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 opened and
at the end
 of the
20s
Add a comma
20s,
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 the total number reached less than 20
members
.
Table
Add an article
The table
A table
show examples
 tennis
club
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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started with less than 20
people
 and in 2010
attain
Wrong verb form
attained
show examples
 exactly 20 parties,
such
 as
amateur
Correct article usage
the amateur
show examples
 dramatics
club
.
On the other hand
,
activity
Correct article usage
the activity
show examples
 of amateur dramatics, which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
had participants below
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30 dramatically dropped
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less than 10
people
.
As a result
,
Correct article usage
the sport
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
club
is
Verb problem
will
show examples
continued
Wrong verb form
continue
show examples
 until it
is reached
Wrong verb form
reaches
show examples
 more than 50
members
 in 2020.
Submitted by galkalialex on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words members, club, period, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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