In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem?
Obesity in
childreen
is in a lot of Correct your spelling
children
countries
an increasing problem
.
In this
essay
some of the reasons for Add a comma
essay,
this
problem
will be discussed and some possible solutions delivered by individuals and governments will be adressed
.
Correct your spelling
addressed
Firstly
, will be fair to say that this
is mainly a first world problem
or a problem
for new development countries
, there are different reasons and they are all connected. Thus
, one of the main reason
is that the Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
childreen
are not doing enough Correct your spelling
children
excersice
. Correct your spelling
exercise
Generally
they Add a comma
Generally,
expend
long hours inside their houses playing online video games Verb problem
spend
instead
of been
outside and Wrong verb form
being
be
playing Unnecessary verb
apply
toguether
Correct your spelling
together
to
physical games Change preposition
with
such
as football or basketball.
Rephrase
together.
Differents
surveys Correct your spelling
Different
has
shown Change the verb form
have
thoughout
the Correct your spelling
throughout
last
decade that the population of children
from developed countries
are lossing
interest or they have totally lost it already, in playing sports. The reason why Correct your spelling
losing
this
is happening is because it is more practical and easier to be at home connecting with their friend using the computer than going out either because of weather condition
or related to the fact that their parents Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
needs
to take them.
Change the verb form
need
Moreover
, another reason is the fact that the amount of 'junk food' that the
Correct article usage
apply
children
are eaten nowadays is shocking. There are different documentaries such
as Fed Up that discuss as well as
other things how much sugar is added to the daily meal plan by the food companies. The parents have less time to prepare the
dinner at home so they buy already meals, take ways or allow them to snack Correct article usage
apply
crisps
or chocolatesChange preposition
on crisps
..
These types of meals are dramatically loaded with sugars or the food quality is not very good.
Replace the punctuation
.
...
Secondly
, to resolve these two main factors that are profundly related with
obesity, the Change preposition
to
indivisuals
( in the Correct your spelling
individuals
individual
children
's case the parents as main
Correct article usage
the main
responsable
figure) Correct your spelling
responsible
is
to deliver a more healthy diet and Correct subject-verb agreement
are
also
to push their children
to play outside either by cutting the amount of time that the children
have for using their computer or by taking them to the playground. The goverments
should promote more Correct your spelling
government
governments
excercise
at schools as a way to Correct your spelling
exercise
increment
the exercise time and Verb problem
increase
also
they could regulate the amount of sugar that is
in the meals prepared by the industry.
In conclusion, to resolve this
problem
called obesity that affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
the
future generations in different Correct article usage
apply
countries
is to teach them a healthier life style
.Correct your spelling
lifestyle
Submitted by alextf85 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and follows a logical order. This can help improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and statistics to support your arguments. This will strengthen your response and make it more convincing.
language
Work on the accuracy of your grammar, and aim to reduce minor errors. Although they do not heavily impact the score, reducing them will improve the clarity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure every paragraph is fully developed, with a topic sentence followed by supporting details and examples. This will improve your score for coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides reasons for childhood obesity as well as possible solutions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and attempt to frame the discussion effectively.
language
There is a variety of vocabulary used, demonstrating a good range of language ability.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.