Some people find it beneficial to send young children to nursery school before they go to primary school, while others think that it is good to keep them at home and spend time with their family. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
One of the most controversial topics today relates to whether
children
can obtain more advantages by going to kindergarden
or whether they should be with their Correct your spelling
kindergarten
parents
until the age of going to elementary school. In this
essay, I elaborate on both views and describe the reasons why I tend to support the former view.
On one side of the arguement
, there are some individuals who claim that going to nursery school is more advantageous for toddlers for some reasons. The primary one is that they can have more social experiences with their friends. Correct your spelling
argument
While
they enjoy playing with other children
at their age, they will be disciplined, for example
. Additionally
, they will be able to learn essential skills such
as writing and reading. Therefore
, before entering elementary school, they will be able to prepare themselves. If they are not equipped with these ability
, they will have difficulty catching up with others.
Change the determiner
this ability
these abilities
On the other hand
, some argue that staying with parents
longer is more pivotal for children
. That is
because they can reinforce their family bond. As parents
can smother them with a lot of attentions
, they will follow what their Fix the agreement mistake
attention
parents
instruct them well. As a result
, they will acquire good manners. Another benefit is that they are less likely to be involved in accidents. Since they are keen to expand their world but pay little attention, pediatric accidents often take place. Thus
, they should stay with thier
Correct your spelling
their
parents
until they become prudent enough.
In conclusion, both views are rational. On balance, however
, I am inclined to support the idea that entering preschool brings more merits for children
because they will be socialized with other children
and their speaking ability will burgeon while
talking and experiencing something with them.Submitted by takuya13sugimoto on
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Grammar and Vocabulary
Work on refining grammar and vocabulary to avoid small errors that can affect clarity, such as "they can have more social experiences with their friends" (consider: "they can gain valuable social experiences with their peers").
Linking Devices
To enhance coherence and cohesion, use more varied linkers and transitional phrases. For example, instead of repeating "On one side of the argument" and "On the other hand," try using alternative phrases like "Firstly" and "Conversely."
Developing Ideas
Develop ideas more fully by providing more specific examples and elaborating on the points mentioned. For example, explain more about how writing and reading skills are developed in nursery school.
Introduction
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and states the writer's opinion.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and reiterates the writer's stance.
Balanced Discussion
The essay covers both perspectives and provides reasons for each view, which shows a balanced approach.