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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The charts below how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurents between 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.

#people #usa #food #restaurents #summarise #information #features #comparisons #relevent
This
 line graph illustrates
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information about
the
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apply
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fast food consumption in
the
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apply
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resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
restaurant
, by the people of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, between the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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of
Change preposition
apply
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2003 and 2013. It
also
 shows how often people visit these
resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
along with
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
a percentage
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 of the people. As far as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the
year
 2003 is concerned, the
consumers
Fix the agreement mistake
consumer
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 rate of never and everyday visitors in the
resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
restaurant
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
below 5%.
However
, the rate of consuming fast food once in the
week
 and once/twice a month was at its peak in 2003, which was more
then
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than
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 30% and up to 25%. Only 20%
individuals
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of individuals
show examples
 used to eat in
resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 serval
time
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times
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 a
week
,
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
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 15%
residents
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of residents
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 were recorded in the block of eating,
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 times a
year
 in hotels. Commencing
to
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apply
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the
year
 2013,
near to
Correct your spelling
nearly
show examples
 35%
individuals
Change preposition
of individuals
show examples
visit
Wrong verb form
visited
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 cafes , once/ twice a month and more
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 25% public
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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noticed, once a
week
, which was relatively the highest number in that particular
year
.
Furthermore
, individuals visiting serval
time
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times
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 a
week
 and fewer
time
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times
show examples
 a
year
 were around 15%.
Also
, every day and never
attenders
Correct your spelling
attendees
show examples
 were less
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 5%.
Submitted by hadiyanasir73 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words resturants, year, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fast food consumption
  • decade
  • trend analysis
  • frequently, occasionally, and rarely
  • significant changes
  • lifestyle modifications
  • health awareness
  • economic factors
  • public health implications
  • fast food industry
  • broader implications
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