Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place

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Some people argue that

children

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should be taught by their

parents

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Change preposition

apply

show examples

how to become valuable members of society. Others suggest that

schools

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are the most appropriate place for learning

this

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While

Linking Words

parents

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can educate their

children

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with their own experiences, I believe

schools

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provide a more practical way of learning

this

Linking Words

. Mothers and fathers use their own experiences to teach their sons and daughters how to grow up

moral

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morally

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and

ethical

Change the word

ethically

show examples

Parents

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can teach their

children

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how to be empathetic, respectful towards other people, and

Correct article usage

apply

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responsible person because they know how their

children

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react to certain situations. By observing these,

parents

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can guide their sons and daughters better.

For example

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, when

children

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are allowed to take care of a family pet, they learn that their actions directly impact the life of another living being.

However

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, I believe that

children

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may grow up having a myopic view because of their

parents

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’ teachings. Universities and education centres provide an environment where students can learn how to behave in a more structured way. Often, primary

schools

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’

curriculum

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curricula

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have projects that require group participation,

such

Linking Words

a setting equips

children

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from an early age to understand other’s

point

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points

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of view and act

accordingly

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, nurturing an important character trait, teamwork.

For instance

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, the St. Xavier’s School in Kolkata, India has a mandatory community service program where

children

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visit the city’s orphanages to donate their old study books.

Therefore

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, I am of the opinion that

schools

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provide

children

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with an atmosphere to learn essential skills to become valuable members of society. In conclusion,

parents

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know their

children

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better and can instil a sense of responsibility but they can create a bias in their child’s mind.

Schools

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and universities,

on the other hand

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, have special practical programs that are designed to help young students become ethical and moral when they grow up.

Submitted by majumdarnilesh21 on Fri Sep 27 2024

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coherence cohesion

Avoid repetitive phrases to maintain reader interest. For example, the points about parents teaching empathy and responsibility could be integrated more smoothly with less repetition.

coherence cohesion

Enhance the transitional phrases between paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow. Consider using however, furthermore, and consequently where appropriate.

task achievement

Provide additional examples to support main points. This can provide a clearer understanding and stronger justification for your arguments.

coherence cohesion

The introduction is well-structured, clearly stating the two opposing views and your position.

task achievement

You effectively cover the idea that both parents and schools have roles in teaching societal values, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

task achievement

The example of St. Xavier’s School is well-chosen and effectively illustrates how schools can teach children to be valuable members of society.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

good members of society
teach
parents
schools
responsibility
values
respect
empathy
responsibility
formal education
citizenship
ethics
social responsibility
lead by example
role models
conducive environment
extracurricular activities
community involvement
collaborate
holistic approach

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Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this.

Your opinion

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

«Some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation» To what extent do you agree or disagree?

large companies should provide sport and social facilities to community. To what extent do you argee or disagree?

The free movement of goods across national borders has long been a controversial issue. Some people argue that it is necessary for economic growth, while others claim that it damages local industries.

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this?