IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Recent research has confirmed that ‘human activity has become the greatest threat to plant and animal life’. Why do you think this has happened? How can we reduce our impact on the natural world?

#research #‘human #activity #threat #plant #life’ #impact #world
People love to have
fun
 and do
activities
 all the
time
. But,
does
Verb problem
is
show examples
 it really worth it if that
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 going to hurt the plants and the
animals
Change to a genitive case
animal's
animals'
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
?
Firstly
, not all
activities
 are bad. Some of them are just to chill and have
fun
 with
friends
 and family and get to know and meet a
lot
 of new people.
However
, some of the
activities
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a real threat to plant and animal life.
Such as
Correct quantifier usage
As
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 fire
activities
, these kinds of
activities
cost
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 a
lot
 of damage to the world.
In other words
, you can always have a
lot
 of
fun
 with your
friends
 and family without causing a
lot
 of issues to the plants and animals.
For example
, you can do a
24 hours
Correct your spelling
24-hour
 race.
In addition
, you will have a
lot
 of
fun
 and it will help you move more, and the best part, it doesn't hurt the animals or the plants.
Moreover
,
activities
 are really important
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for kids, they will have a
lot
 of
fun
 and get to know a
lot
 of
friends
instead
 of sitting at home watching
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 all the
time
. When you think about it, it is not always about what you do, it is about how you do it. In the meantime,
activities
 are really important,
due to
 the large amount of kids who are not leaving the house. They
be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 sitting at home all the
time
 without doing any sports or having
fun
 outside. So,
activities
 really help a
lot
 of kids to experience the outside world and get to know a
lot
 of good
friends
, and not be at home all the
time
.
Submitted by h9715823 on

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task achievement
The essay generally responds to the task but lacks depth. Try to explain why human activities have become such a threat to plant and animal life. Discuss aspects such as deforestation, pollution, urbanization, and hunting.
task achievement
Ideas need further development and specificity. For instance, you could mention ways to reduce human impact like sustainable living practices, conservation efforts, and changes in legislation.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and provide supporting sentences to back it up. Current paragraphs combine multiple points, which can be confusing.
coherence cohesion
Improve the essay's introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state what will be discussed, and the conclusion should summarize the main points and provide a final thought.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and makes attempts to provide reasons and solutions.
task achievement
There is a clear effort to use examples to support the points made, such as mentioning different types of activities.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured into paragraphs, each with a distinct focus on different aspects of the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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