IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.

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A certain number of citizens consider that being competitive at
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 workplace, at school or in their daily routines is highly beneficial. Meanwhile,
others
Use synonyms
 would
prefer
Add the particle
prefer to
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 cooperate with
others
Use synonyms
 more rather than compete with them. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will outline these two ways of thinking
along with
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 my own point of view. Those who
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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competition amongst
people
Use synonyms
 has more pros in comparison to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interaction
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 argue that
this
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 is the most effective approach which leads to success. As they think, being competitive means not
to be
Change the verb form
being
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 distracted by
others
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, and
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrating
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 all
the
Change the word
their
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 strength on their own goals which, in turn, will lead them to the highest results.
For example
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, some
people
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 follow
this
Linking Words
 strategy in order to show their achievements to employers impressing them and getting a higher position.
As a result
Linking Words
, they might get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
desirable
work
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.
However
Linking Words
, there will no, probably,be willing ones to land them a hand or to
work
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 with them,
as a consequence
Linking Words
 of their selfish attitude.
This
Linking Words
 is the reason why I do not support competitors. With regard to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
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, we should interact more as collaboration of
people
Use synonyms
 makes daily
life
Use synonyms
 much easier, and it is an integral part of successful studies or
work
Use synonyms
. It empowers
people
Use synonyms
’s lives via sharing
life
Use synonyms
 or
work
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 experience,
as well as
Linking Words
 knowledge during a studying process.
For example
Linking Words
, students at universities quite often exchange educational materials with each other or help their peers with
a
Remove the article
apply
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difficult material.
Therefore
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,
such
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 a way of
life
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speed
Correct subject-verb agreement
speeds
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 up the carrying out of the majority of tasks on the
life
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 path of each individual, protecting them from overload
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and providing them with
a sustainable lives
Correct the article-noun agreement
a sustainable life
sustainable lives
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. Personally, I
also
Linking Words
 share
this
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 view, because the help of
people
Use synonyms
 surrounding us is extremely vital in many cases.
For instance
Linking Words
, if employers unit employees in one team, it may reduce the time for completing tasks, and provide workers with more time for rest. In conclusion, I believe that we have to cooperate more rather than compete with other members of society, as
this
Linking Words
 approach helps to make
people
Use synonyms
’s daily
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, studying and
work
Use synonyms
 more enjoyable and successful .

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task achievement
You have provided a balanced discussion on the topic by representing both viewpoints and including your perspective. However, there are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that you should work on. Try to refine your sentences for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to improve overall cohesion. You might want to use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally well-supported with examples, but try to make your examples more relevant and specific to strengthen your arguments. This will help to illustrate your points more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and a strong conclusion, which effectively summarizes your point of view.
task achievement
You have done well by presenting both sides of the argument, in line with the requirements of the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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