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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram shows the process of the water treatment.

The diagram shows the process of the water treatment.
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The graph shows the
process
Use synonyms
 of how the
water
Use synonyms
 is treated.
Overall
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is a man-made linear cycle of how to treat the
water
Use synonyms
 with ten phases, and
this
Linking Words
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
show examples
 with intake of
water
Use synonyms
 screens and there are several raw
materials
Use synonyms
 added
such
Linking Words
 as chlorine, sodium hydroxide and fluoride.
Finally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
process
Use synonyms
end
Change the verb form
ends
show examples
 with
water
Use synonyms
 running
thought
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
faucet
Correct article usage
the faucet
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
process
Use synonyms
tarts
Correct your spelling
starts
show examples
 with intake
water
Use synonyms
 through screens to be allowed to get in the tubes.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the
water
Use synonyms
 runs and
pass-through
Correct your spelling
passes through
show examples
 pumps to continue the treatment
water
Use synonyms
.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the
water
Use synonyms
 gets into the flash mix
process
Use synonyms
 where raw
materials
Use synonyms
 are added
such
Linking Words
 as Poly
aluminum
Change the spelling
aluminium
show examples
 chloride and Oxidants to sterilize it.
Next,
Linking Words
water
Use synonyms
 goes into
flocculation
Correct article usage
the flocculation
show examples
 phase to remove undesired
materials
Use synonyms
 like tiny stones to be ready for use.
Finally
Linking Words
, the settling basin where layers of different
materials
Use synonyms
 are done to continue the
process
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
 treatment. The next stage is Chlorine
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is added to the
water
Use synonyms
 to be clean, and
this
Linking Words
follow
Change the verb form
follows
show examples
 the
process
Use synonyms
 path with the filter membrane area, so it can separate tiny stones and filter pure
water
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.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, it reaches the pump areas to be conducted to the faucet where the
water
Use synonyms
 reaches the final
water
Use synonyms
 treatment
process
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, such".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, water, materials with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "reaches" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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