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Band 4

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
It goes without saying that nowadays
phones
 are widely used by many people, including children, frequently on
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 daily basis.
This
 essay will put forward the reason why
this
 trend
brings
Verb problem
has
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 utterly negative impacts.
To begin
 with, the frequent
user
Correct your spelling
use
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 of mobile
phones
 is a result of appealing
interface
Fix the agreement mistake
interfaces
show examples
 and designs.
This
 acts as
a
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apply
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dopamine to its users, and the kids are susceptible to it like how they are addicted to sugar or sweets.
Thus
, the enjoyment offered by the
phones
 makes them attracted to be persistent
is
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in
show examples
 using
phones
.
Furthermore
,
due to
 the addiction, the kids may experience various health issues.
For instance
, neck strain problem is commonly faced by
the
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apply
show examples
phone users especially the young generation which may lead them to bad body posture. Another example is when they use
phones
 without
a
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apply
show examples
good rest and bad lighting, their eyesight will get damaged.
In addition
, since the children spend more on
phones
. They unconsciously isolate their
lifes
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lives
show examples
 from social interactions. It
is resulting
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results
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 in poor interpersonal skills.
Consequently
, they will struggle to communicate or to get engaged
to
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in
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 others' conversations in the future. In conclusion, the constant utility of
phones
 by
the
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apply
show examples
children has overwhelmingly negative influences. Even if there were possible benefits, they would be apparently outweighed by the drawbacks.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively, discussing both the reasons children spend hours on their smartphones and evaluating this trend as negative. However, to achieve a higher score, it could benefit from more specific examples to support the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, but some points could be elaborated further for clarity. Adding transitional phrases could improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the argument.
task achievement
The main points presented are relevant and address the prompt directly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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