Some people believe school children should be given multiple short vacations, while others believe they should get one long vacation. Give the advantages of both and express your own point of view.
It is often believed that there are more advantages when
children
have several short vacations
than one
long vacation
. I partially support this
view, for multiple vacations
allow children
to adapt to different situations regardless of one
long vacation
encouraging them to have more adventurous experiences.
On the one
hand, various vacations
are more beneficial since they make it easier for children
to cope with different problems
. In other words
, they can consult with parents and friends when they face difficult problems
for some helpful advice before another
Replace the adjective
other
problems
arise. For instance
, children
not knowing how to repaire
relationships may gain enough courage to Correct your spelling
repair
appologize
and express their thought when they have multiple times for restCorrect your spelling
apologise
,
when they can meditate themselves and discuss Remove the comma
apply
problems
with others. Thus
, they are more likely to solve each problem without suffering from accumulating
stress that comes from time of long isolation.
Correct article usage
the accumulating
On the other hand
, one
long vacation
has more positive consequences as children
tend to have a more unique experience. Indeed, they are often taken to a
camping and different countries to have a stimulating moment. To illustrate Correct article usage
apply
this
, children
grown
up in urban cities are more likely to recognize the importance of nature Wrong verb form
growing
as well as
feel the splendidness of natural beauty as they spend a long time exploring in the countryside. Furthermore
, such
valuable experiences not only lead to the
increase in curiosity toward the world but Correct article usage
an
also
new skills of
setting up tents and cooking by themselves.
In conclusion, I somewhat agree that Change preposition
in
children
gain more benefits when they have several short vacations
, which allow them to tackle various issues so they can overcome them with the help of others. However
, a long vacation
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
children
explore the unfamiliar world, expanding their perspectives and skills.Submitted by mizuho on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized and easy to follow, but there is some repetition of ideas and minor grammatical mistakes. For instance, phrases like "time of long isolation" could be clearer, and words such as "repaire" should be spelled correctly. Improving these areas would enhance your overall coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
To take your task response to the next level, ensure that you cover both sides of the argument with balanced detail. Expanding on each side slightly more would provide a more comprehensive response.
introduction conclusion
You have clearly stated your viewpoint in both the introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument.
relevant specific examples
The examples you provide are relevant and help to illustrate your points effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are generally clear and logical, and you have successfully presented both sides of the argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.