IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss pf particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #time #loss #pf #species #plants #animals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the loss of particular species of flora and fauna is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 crucial mistake.
Besides
Linking Words
, some
says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
show examples
 that there is another problem. I believe the inhabitants of
plants
Use synonyms
 and
animals
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the beginning of
this
Linking Words
 problem. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will elaborate
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
 of them.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, many habitats of flora and fauna
destroy
Wrong verb form
are destroyed
show examples
 by
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. It means that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 responsible
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the destructive forest in the world.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many illegal loggings that
find
Wrong verb form
are found
show examples
 in many places, make
animals
Use synonyms
 and
plants
Use synonyms
 near with extinct.
For example
Linking Words
, the Indonesian forest is replaced by palm
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 in several
region
Change to a plural noun
regions
show examples
 of Kalimantan. It can be seen that the government of Indonesia
agree
Wrong verb form
agreed
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 project by signing the memorandum of understanding.
However
Linking Words
, the
animals
Use synonyms
 and
plants
Use synonyms
 are expelled by human
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 agreement creates the worst decision of
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 the
animals
Use synonyms
 and
plants
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, many dominant aspects about environmental
problems
Use synonyms
. One of them is mining,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
derive
Verb problem
causes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
problems
Use synonyms
 for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
,
plants
Use synonyms
, and
animals
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the process
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 delivering coal by ship is affected
the
Change preposition
by the
show examples
 sea. The coals can easily fall
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the ocean and affect the the sea and what is inside. It can be seen many
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
show examples
 are dying
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 action.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many health
problems
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the impact of
mining
Correct article usage
the mining
show examples
 business
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 getting worse by worse. Some people who live in mining
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 must use their masks
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the waste from these operations.
Hence
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other environmental
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
gives
Verb problem
have
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 dangerous impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the Earth. In conclusion, I feel that the loss of
animals
Use synonyms
 and
plants
Use synonyms
 is the effect because of human activity.
In addition
Linking Words
,
detrimental
Correct article usage
a detrimental
show examples
 environment creates several health
problems
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as respiratory disease, cancer and so on. As a human, I need to protect the Earth start from myself.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical structure of the essay by organizing your ideas more clearly. Use clear topic sentences and link each paragraph effectively to the next.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas with more detailed explanations and examples. Ensure each point is fully developed.
advices
Work on sentence variety and complexity to improve readability and engagement. Consider more complex sentence structures and varied vocabulary.
task achievement
You have identified and discussed both views clearly, which shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good framework for your discussion.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and support your arguments well.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: