Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a job.On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Disscuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some argue that it is crucial to finish tertiary education level in order to get employed,
while
others believe that gaining experience and ameliorating personal skills are more vital.
Although
the latter opinion can be beneficial in some cases, I am convinced that education plays a more significant role in assisting individuals to secure any profession.
To begin
with, many juveniles opted for part-time jobs
instead
of pursuing their desired courses at universities these days. To substantiate
this
claim, a statistic highlights that 62% of food and beverage (F&B) workers are in the range of 17-19 years old.
This
would inculcate a sense of independence in themselves,
thus
lightening their parents' burdens with the remuneration they received.
Furthermore
, they could gain substantial capabilities (communication, teamwork, and critical thinking) that would be advantageous for them in the future.
However
, I contend that furthering studies is more important for personal growth as someone could gain valuable insights and foster their cognitive development. Universities often offer students to join various competitions and conferences that are able to recognise talents and potential in learners.
This
could have positive impacts on them since taking part in social events or contests can escalate their social skills and competitiveness.
For example
, students who participated in international research conferences acquired exposure that could improve their research skills. In conclusion, I support the view that everyone, especially youngsters should prioritise their education. Even though obtaining experiences by working provides numerous perks, I believe that gaining knowledge through studying offers better wisdom.
Submitted by maisarahamirah16 on

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coherence
To enhance coherence, link paragraphs more smoothly by using transition words and phrases. Ensure each paragraph flows logically from the last.
task achievement
Strengthen your arguments by providing more specific examples and elaborating on key points. This will add depth to your essay and make your arguments more convincing.
task response
You have effectively presented both perspectives on the topic and provided a clear opinion in the conclusion. This shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are both present and appropriately summarize the main points of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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