You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Bullying is a big problem in many schools. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
Numerous
school
have an issue Fix the agreement mistake
schools
on
bullying which is a significant problem. Change preposition
with
This
essay will discuss the main factor
associated with Fix the agreement mistake
factors
this
epidemic and propose some possible solutions to avoid them.
On one hand, some student
are not Fix the agreement mistake
students
accept
Wrong verb form
accepted
in
diversity, so they resist some of them who are not Change preposition
of
same
as others. In the world, we have various regions, skin Correct article usage
the same
colors
, and nationalities. Some young Change the spelling
colours
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
who
relocated to another country. Most of them got Correct pronoun usage
apply
resist
and Wrong verb form
resisted
bullying
by Replace the word
bullied
people
who lived in
there. Some native Change preposition
apply
people
may believe that a group of people
,
Remove the comma
apply
moved
Correct pronoun usage
who moved
in
their country, cannot speak their language and live alone. No one will help them if they Change preposition
into
got
Wrong verb form
get
bullying
. Replace the word
bullied
As a result
, they decide to bullying
and resist them by using their regions, skin Change the verb form
bully
colors
, and nationality.
Change the spelling
colours
On the other hand
, this
issue can be solve
by teaching them to accept Change the verb form
be solved
the
diversity. The two main Correct article usage
apply
people
who can teach these academic
are their Fix the agreement mistake
academics
parent
and teachers. The teachers and their guardians should advise them by showing the negative impact of Fix the agreement mistake
parents
people
who got bullying that
Correct word choice
apply
this
can affect them in Correct pronoun usage
apply
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
of
mental health like depression and social anxiety disorder. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, they should explain to their children that no one shold recieve
Correct your spelling
should receive
the
hate because they are not Correct article usage
apply
same
as others.
In conclusion, bullying creates Correct article usage
the same
the
negative impact on Correct article usage
a
long term
mental health Add a hyphen
long-term
such
as depression and social anxiety disorder, but this
issue can decrease
by showing Wrong verb form
be decreased
Correct article usage
the disadvantage
disadvantage
of bullying and teaching them, Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
understanding
Change the verb form
to understand
the
diversity.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by Tiger23
on
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task achievement
Your essay adequately addresses the task by identifying the causes of bullying and proposing solutions. However, it would benefit from more precise language and the inclusion of specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next. Your paragraphs are reasonably well-structured but occasionally lack clear transitions.
introduction and conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay.
supported main points
You pointed out the important issue of diversity and how it can lead to bullying, which is a relevant and meaningful observation.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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