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Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #money #future
In contemporary society, it is vital for individuals,
also
 youth, to
storage
Replace the word
store
show examples
money
 for their
future
. I am totally clear with the given topic,
as well as
 I am a firm believer
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the understanding, that
relies
Verb problem
apply
show examples
on how often people take care of their
future
,
then
 there will be less amount of risk of getting problems related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
money
, and the saved
money
 can serve as a sponsor for the people. To commence, it is spread among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals of medium age to waste their
money
 on the things, without which people can survive.
Instead
 of
this
, it will be conscious to save
money
 to decline the amounts of challenges that might happen in the
future
.
For instance
, my cousin Ahmed worked from his early 17 ages, but he wasted his salary on buying
alcohols
Fix the agreement mistake
alcohol
show examples
, going to the bars and playing video games.
This
 cycle repeated until
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 his 40th he understood that he lost everything in his life. He did not get married, did not have his own apartment, lost friends and now there is no one whom he may ask for help.
This
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 great example of why it is vital for individuals to save
money
 for their
future
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because we do not actually know
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
show examples
 kind of situations may happen
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 us.
Additionally
, adults or youth
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 does not matter can use the storage
money
 in every case of their lives, not only in the
future
.
This
 means that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 teenagers will be able to get a course and investigate their knowledge at the right time, and
this
 experience may be the first
steps
Fix the agreement mistake
step
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 his or her bright
future
.
For example
, I earn
money
 and save 20% of it, so in
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
 I can use it in a way of
investigation
Replace the word
investigating
show examples
 to my knowledge, being a sponsor
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
myself.
Being as
Unnecessary verb
As
show examples
 a student
a
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 store
money
 not because I want a huge villa in the
future
, but
I
Correct word choice
because I
show examples
want to be ready to spend the storage
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the thing that deserves spending
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Consequently
, it is essential to take care of our
future
,
as well as
 there is no fact that everything will be fine after 5 or 10 years, so we have to be ready for each situation in
out
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
 lives. It is not so far complicated to store
money
, but it will have significant impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our
future
 survival.
Submitted by a.seytzhanova on

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Task Response
Make sure to clearly present your opinion and maintain it consistently throughout the essay. Strengthen the introduction by being more decisive. For example, instead of saying 'I am totally clear with the given topic,' you could say 'I completely agree with the statement.' This will help set a strong tone for your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas. While the points are relevant, the paragraph transitions could be more fluid. Use transitional phrases to connect your ideas more seamlessly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Avoid repetitive language and refine your expression for clarity. For instance, instead of saying 'being as a student a store money,' consider 'As a student, I save money.' Such small changes can significantly enhance the readability of your essay.
Task Response
In addition to personal anecdotes, incorporate more general examples or hypothetical scenarios to add variety and depth to your support. This will enhance the persuasiveness of your points.
Task Response
Your use of relevant personal examples adds authenticity and a personal touch to your arguments, making them more relatable.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates the importance of saving money, which provides a strong finish to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
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