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Band 6.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life
One-half of society believes that
people
 should compete with each other in different aspects of
life
such
 as at work, at school and in everyday
life
. When another half prefers cooperating together than struggling with each other. Each side has advantages and disadvantages,
however
, in my opinion competing is better than cooperating with others. On the one hand, competing for jobs can increase the productivity of workers. It is beneficial for employers
also
 workers can get rewards from their employers. Competition at school can increase the marks of students and give them motivation to study. The contest between brands gives them the aspiration to make a better product for humans than other brands. And for these reasons, I prefer contests in society.
On the other hand
, solving daily
life
 problems by cooperating with friends, with relatives is a very good idea, but it is not the same good at a job and education centre because when working together
people
 need a ladder to navigate them
otherwise
 some
people
 in the group will work harder and others fewer. It is the same for the school
however
 not so critical as at work because at the education centre students have teachers that navigate and help them with what they should do. In conclusion, cooperating is good in some aspects of
life
 but not in all areas. The contest is a very important part of our society because without them we do not have these technologies, important openings and medicines. Even to land on the moon countries competed with each other.
Also
, it helps to find smart
people
 and gives them a chance to improve their brain
Submitted by oglanbek.b08 on

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Make sure to expand on your points with more specific examples and detailed explanations. This will help strengthen your arguments and make your essay more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance cohesion. This will help the flow of your essay and make it more engaging to read.
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Try to diversify your vocabulary and avoid repetitive language to make your essay more dynamic and interesting.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a defined introduction, body, and conclusion. This is good for coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument and provided your own opinion, which is crucial for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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