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Band 4

Some people think that competition at work at school and in a daily life is a good thing.Others believe that we should try to cooperate more rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life
Competation
Correct your spelling
Competition
 in the sphere of
work
 and education can be invaluable
as
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 working with a group of
people
.
Although
 there are both positive and negative aspects of working as a team I firmly believe
competation
Correct your spelling
competition
 can maintain peoples' weak sides
while
 working with
contrary
Add an article
a contrary
the contrary
show examples
 person. In daily life, competition can encourage individuals to improve their skills and make the most of their
opportunitie
Correct your spelling
opportunities
opportunity
.
As
Correct word choice
People
show examples
people
 who are better in some spheres may encourage their enemies which leads to
improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
 some of their skills.Competition can motivate students to achieve
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
higher academic standards and develop a strong
work
 atmosphere.
However
,it may
also
 cause some problems
releated
Correct your spelling
related
 to individuals'
pschology
Correct your spelling
psychology
.
While
 working on their weak sides most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 may not cope successfully which leads
stressful
Change preposition
to stressful
show examples
 consequences,
such
 as stress and anxiety.
As a result
,It may reduce self-confidence and self-esteem
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
people
. Collaboration at
work
 or
education
Change preposition
in education
show examples
 may lead to a more friendly
work
 environment
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
people
.
While
 working together they can share their own experiences,
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 and perspectives on the purpose of achieving common results.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,they will support their colleagues and
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their ideas.
On the other hand
,it will be difficult to take into account personal dreams and get
promotion
Add an article
a promotion
the promotion
show examples
.When
people
work
 with a team,there will be a lack of time for themselves.
Consequently
,cooperation may limit their individual intentions in the sphere of
work
 and education. In conclusion,
while
competation
Correct your spelling
competition
computation
 helps to
achiave
Correct your spelling
achieve
 results with full potential,
collaboration
Add an article
the collaboration
show examples
 will not give
a
Correct pronoun usage
them a
show examples
chance to
work
 on their personal
ambitous
Correct your spelling
ambitions
ambitious
 which leads to
restrict
Change the verb form
restricting
show examples
 their
work-releated
Correct your spelling
work-related
 destinations.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by ensuring smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will make your arguments more compelling and easy to follow.
task achievement
Develop main points with more specific examples and elaboration. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on clarity by simplifying complex sentences and ensuring correct word usage. This will make your ideas easier to understand.
task achievement
Good attempt at addressing both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a complete structure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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