IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be case ? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed ?

#people #work #company #organisation #be #case
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In contemporary times, the number of individuals who want to be self-employed
instead
 of hiring in a company has been increasing.
This
 essay will discuss the probable reasons like being independent
also
 the drawbacks of
this
 approach.
To begin
 with, the young generation has been always willing for independence.
Therefore
, they want to be their own boss
instead
 of working for other
people
. They hate obeying orders because they are creative and if they are free, they will be able to be innovative.
For example
, my brother decided to start his own
business
 after college and he became so successful
due to
 the fact that he was completely free to experience new ideas.
Moreover
, individuals usually think that they won't earn enough money if they keep working for others.
Nevertheless
, they are encouraged to run their own
business
 as soon as possible.
However
, there are plenty of possible drawbacks in
this
 case. The most significant disadvantage is lack of experience.
People
 who don’t have any job experience are not capable of running a new company or office because they need some training first which can achieve by working as a trainee in other companies.
Besides
, becoming self-employed is usually not affordable for most individuals
due to
 the fact that you may need a huge fortune at the beginning.
For example
,
last
 year I wanted to start a new
business
 and I had to get a loan from the bank and it was very difficult to pay for the bank
installment
Change the spelling
instalment
show examples
.
Although
, there are bunches of obstacles in the way, being self-employed can give
people
 self-confidence and encourage them to be brave and fearless.
However
, it can be risky and challenging at the same time. In conclusion, I believe nowadays
people
 intend to start their own
business
 more than before to have more autonomy and
also
 make more money.
However
, there are always some risks and drawbacks, no matter how much they are brave and self-confident.
Submitted by mahtaesmailian on

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task achievement
Try to develop each paragraph with more supporting details or examples to make your argument stronger. For example, provide more examples of successful self-employed individuals or present more statistics to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay follows a more logical sequence. While the reasoning is clear, enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs and sentences would improve the overall cohesion. For instance, linking sentences or ideas more explicitly can provide a smoother reading experience.
task achievement
The essay presents clear and relevant ideas, discussing both reasons for self-employment and its disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The examples used in the essay are relevant and help to illustrate the main points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employment
  • freelancing
  • entrepreneurship
  • autonomy
  • financial stability
  • work-life balance
  • financial insecurity
  • lack of support
  • resources
  • long working hours
  • uncertain income
  • job security
What to do next:
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