Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation,such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money.others argue that ıt ıs better to try and improve such situations

Some individuals argue that it is the best way to embrace negative circumstances like deficiency of money and job dissatisfaction.
In contrast
, other
people
believe that
endeavoring
Change the spelling
endeavouring
show examples
for the betterment of unsuitable
situations
is the best approach. On the one hand, whenever
people
accept their
situations
they do not struggle with difficulties and can get away from these
situations
all. They,
hence
, have healthier lives, and they do not experience a high amount of stress and pressure.
For instance
, if the educational situation acceptance
occur
Change the verb form
occurs
show examples
, student do not care about the result of exams, and they unwind all of their time. So, advocates of
this
idea refer to the mind's health as a prime reason for their claims.
On the other hand
, from other
people
's standpoints,
people
should make an effort for whatever they have tendencies for, and they prefer the development of circumstances rather than
acception
Correct your spelling
accepting
of them.
In addition
, they think
people
who modify unsuitable
situations
pursue a high level of happiness. They believe
although
people
may encounter some difficulties in
this
way, they will be satisfied with their performance after finishing
this
task. From these
people
's viewpoints, not only does acceptance lead to unwinding, but it
also
can cause depression.
Thus
, regarding the mentioned reason,
people
must do their best for the alteration of
situations
.
Overall
, similar to the other issues, both sides of
this
issue have benefits and downsides, and
people
must consider both sides of it for their selection. In my opinion, irrespective of the above-mentioned advantages of
this
issue, life without changing and
effort
Correct article usage
the effort
show examples
for changing is meaningless.
Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on

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task response
To improve your score, work on developing your main points more thoroughly. Use more detailed examples and explanations to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and use clearer topic sentences. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay and make it easier to follow.
task response
Your essay presents both sides of the argument clearly and maintains a balanced perspective throughout.
coherence cohesion
You have a good introduction and a strong conclusion that summarizes your stance effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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