IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Animals
Use synonyms
 far beyond human existence have lived on earth.
However
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, most of the fauna that have been on
this
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 planet does not exist anymore. What is inevitable is that the effect of man in
this
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 disaster is not ignorable. Years of exploiting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature and
destruction of
Replace the word
destroying
show examples
 it
has
Change the verb form
have
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 led to the extinction of many
of
Change preposition
apply
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animal species. In
this
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 I will discuss the causes of what has happened to these
animals
Use synonyms
 and I will
also
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 recommend some measures to tackle
this
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 problem and prevent it from development. Right off the bat, it is crystal clear that climatory
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
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 is one of the most important causes.
For instance
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, as temperature rises, many
animals
Use synonyms
 that are accustomed to a certain level of temperature, suddenly find their place inhabitable.
This
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 forces them
out
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apply
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to find another place.
Therefore
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 it is our duty to decrease the effects of human activities on
environment
Add an article
the environment
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.
This
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 can be done by alternating the current means of energy
producing
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production
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 in order to eliminate one of the factors that
plays
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play
show examples
 its role in global warming. Other than that, another man-made cause of extinction is destroying animal habitats. For many years mankind has abused nature for its own greed.
This
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have
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has
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 appeared in many different forms
such
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 as logging for
purpose
Correct article usage
the purpose
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 of timber producing or paper manufacturing, excavating mountains and valleys for mining and destroying lands to construct roads and residential areas
on
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apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
As a result
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, in order to take precautions for
further
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destructions
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destruction
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 governments can carry out
legislations
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legislation
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 that bans the human activities that
has
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have
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 a role in
this
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 eradication of animal habitats.
To conclude
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, it is evident that man’s self-important attitude toward
animals
Use synonyms
 has caused many troubles for
animals
Use synonyms
 some of them
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 led to
destruction
Add an article
the destruction
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 of their habitats.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 it is not late for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. We can stop our destructive activities and make a better and cleaner world for us and for the generations to come.

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task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to support your points. For example, mention specific species that have gone extinct due to climate change or habitat destruction.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs. Adding transitional sentences can help guide the reader more smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Refine your sentence structures to avoid occasional grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'climatory changes' should be 'climatic changes' and 'place inhabitable' should be 'place uninhabitable.'
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You have addressed the task prompt effectively by discussing both the reasons for animal extinction and suggesting solutions.
coherence cohesion
The main points are relevant and logical, such as the discussion on climate change and habitat destruction.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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