IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Increasingly, many young people are deciding to work or study in other countries. What are the causes of this phenomenon? Do you think it is a positive or negative situation?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It has become a recent trend that
people
Use synonyms
study
Use synonyms
 and work in different
countries
Use synonyms
. The most significant cause of
this
Linking Words
 is a broader experience to improve their skills and knowledge,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which I believe is a positive phenomenon regardless of some concerns
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the declining number of potential
people
Use synonyms
 staying in their home
countries
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, studying and working abroad is beneficial to those who aspire to gain diverse experiences to advance their skills.
In other words
Linking Words
, there is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 growing curiosity toward learning in other nations because they provide more sophisticated
as well as
Linking Words
 unique programs that
people
Use synonyms
 cannot have in their own
countries
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, I had a valuable time
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a university in the United States as I had a stimulating experience by learning educational theories of different approaches and participating in various fieldwork at junior high schools, which were all useful in deepening my understanding of teaching.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, studying abroad not only encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to increase
Correct pronoun usage
their motivations
show examples
motivations
Fix the agreement mistake
motivation
show examples
 for
study
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 to tackle issues more critically.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, staying in foreign nations for work and
study
Use synonyms
 brings a negative consequence for the national
economy
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the severe shortage of talented workforce. Indeed, as more
people
Use synonyms
 are interested in improving their skills in other nations and continue to stay there, the damage that
countries
Use synonyms
 gain to their own
Use synonyms
economy
Fix the agreement mistake
economies
show examples
 is serious. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, the GDP in Japan dropped severely by nearly 15% in 2010 when as many as 26 million
people
Use synonyms
 left the country for work and
study
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, the declining number of skilful workers leads to lower productivity and less creativity, which harms the national
economy
Use synonyms
. In
conclusions
Fix the agreement mistake
conclusion
show examples
, I believe that the trend of studying and working in other
countries
Use synonyms
 is advantageous since they are able to gain more stimulating experiences to enhance their knowledge and techniques.
However
Linking Words
, the shortage of talented workforce has become an emergent issue, which leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 stagnant
economy
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure to maintain a consistent structure throughout the essay. Although paragraphs are logically ordered, sometimes transitioning between ideas can be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Improvements can be made by including more cohesive devices or linking words to make the essay flow better.
task achievement
Although the essay is quite comprehensive, make sure to elaborate a bit more on the conclusion. A strong, concise concluding statement can leave a lasting impression.
task achievement
Focus on providing a more balanced discussion of both positive and negative aspects. This can add depth and show a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the causes of the phenomenon and whether it is positive or negative.
task achievement
The examples provided, like the personal experience in the United States and the drop in GDP in Japan, are specific and relevant, effectively supporting the main points.
task achievement
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points while also presenting a balanced viewpoint.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Interconnected
  • Higher education
  • Prestigious institutions
  • Research facilities
  • Career advancement
  • International experience
  • Resume
  • Cultural exchange
  • Immerse
  • Broaden worldviews
  • Economic factors
  • Unemployment
  • Quality of life
  • Standards of living
  • Healthcare
What to do next:
Look at other essays: