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Writing Samples
Band 5

Overpopulaiton in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. what are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?

#overpopulaiton #centers #world
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It is common to find crowded places in cities all around the world, and
this
 is a crucial issue for society. Some of the causes of these are that huge
corporations
such
Change preposition
as google
show examples
google
Capitalize word
Google
show examples
, and
apple
Capitalize word
Apple
show examples
 are
attractive
Replace the word
attracted
show examples
 to
stablish
Correct your spelling
establish
 business in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of cities, and the second issue is that
government
 gives permission to build
vertical
Add an article
a vertical
the vertical
show examples
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of the
city
.
One
 solution for these issues is that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 need to allow
constructions
Fix the agreement mistake
construction
show examples
 only in rural areas, so huge
corporations
 might feel attractive to more as well.
One
 of the causes is that big
corporations
such
Google
Change preposition
as Google
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 located in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of the
city
, so many individuals are attracted to live in the
city
 to find a suitable job. If they find a
well- paid
Correct your spelling
well-paid
show examples
 job, living in a crowded place will not be an issue anymore. Every year, thousands of
people
move
 to live in the
city
 because they know they might find better job opportunities. Another cause that I can mention is that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 allows to build
vertical
Change preposition
of vertical
show examples
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 in the heart of the
city
, and
this
led
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
crowded places. If the building is
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a vertical area
this
 means it was built in a limited
are
Correct your spelling
area
show examples
, so
people
 might not have enough space to
move
 and park their cars, so
over population
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
show examples
 is reflected on
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
show examples
.
For instance
, In the United States, Los Angeles,
people
 can see
this
 is
one
 of the most populated cities in the world, and
one
 factor is that
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 can see hundreds of vertical buildings.
One
 of the solutions to
this
 is that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
allow to
Verb problem
should
show examples
 build only
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
village
Fix the agreement mistake
villages
show examples
 or rural areas where there is plenty of space, so
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 will be dispersed. If
people
 find a low price in renting, they might reconsider
to
Change the verb form
moving
show examples
move
 far away from the
city
. More importantly,
corporations
 like Google might think
to
Change preposition
of moving
show examples
move
 as well to a rural area, so they might have plenty of space for additions to their
corporations
. If huge
corporations
 are invited to
move
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and give low tax
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
, they might help with the overpopulation issues that countries have all over the world.
Besides
this
,
people
 might be influenced to
move
 because they feel attractive to work with
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 companies.
For instance
, Canada offers to
move
 to their land, and
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 will give money to those who accept to build on the village areas. In conclusion, there are overpopulated places because huge
corporations
 like to work in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of the
city
, and another reason is that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
grant
Correct subject-verb agreement
grants
show examples
permissions
Fix the agreement mistake
permission
show examples
 to construct vertical
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 in the
city
.
One
 solution for all these is that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 invites
corporations
 to build in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 to disperse individuals, and huge companies could get a huge tax program discount if they
move
 as well. Ov
Submitted by cuevas14dic on

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coherence cohesion
Provide more cohesive devices to link ideas between paragraphs more smoothly.
task achievement
Expand on the solutions in more detail and explore potential challenges to implementing them.
grammar
Review grammar and spelling to avoid errors such as 'stablish' instead of 'establish' and 'Google' instead of 'google'.
task response
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, addressing both the causes and potential solutions to the problem of overpopulation.
task achievement
You offer relevant and specific examples, such as the situation in Los Angeles and government incentives in Canada, which help to illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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