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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about levels of education by age range in Glasgow in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about levels of education by age range in Glasgow in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #levels #education #age #range #glasgow #features #comparisons
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The provided charts illustrate the levels of education of 5 different
age
Use synonyms
 groups and the percentage of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 education levels in Glasgow in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 from
age
Use synonyms
 groups below 75 had
university
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, there was not much difference between
Use synonyms
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 education levels.
People
Use synonyms
 from
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 16-24, 24-32,
35
Correct word choice
and 35
show examples
-50 shared
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 percentage of having
Use synonyms
university
Add an article
a university
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
, which was all above 70%. The highest share of
university
Use synonyms
 students came from
people
Use synonyms
 aged 24-32 with slightly above three quarters.
Similarly
Linking Words
, these three
age
Use synonyms
 groups
also
Linking Words
 had around 15-20% percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 having school
certificate
Fix the agreement mistake
certificates
show examples
 and the same exact number for
people
Use synonyms
 with no qualifications which was 9%. Half of the
people
Use synonyms
aging from
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 50-75 had
university
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
. There were only
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
four
people
Use synonyms
 who acquired
Use synonyms
university
Add an article
a university
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degree
Use synonyms
 in
75+
Correct article usage
the 75+
show examples
 category.
In contrast
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 from
this
Linking Words
 category had no qualifications which
account
Correct subject-verb agreement
accounts
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 almost three quarters. The number of
people
Use synonyms
 with school
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
 was 33% for both genders.
Men
Use synonyms
 had more populations who had
university
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 which was 32%, just 3% more
of
Change preposition
than
show examples
women
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, there were more
women
Use synonyms
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 who had school
certificate
Fix the agreement mistake
certificates
show examples
, with 38% and 35% respectively.
Submitted by ameliahanakaru01 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, men, women, people, university, degree with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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