IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work. Schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extend do you agree?

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In today's society, many argue that schools should introduce
work
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experience
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 for
teenagers
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 alongside their academic studies.
While
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 I believe there are clear benefits to
this
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 idea, I
also
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 think there are some challenges that need to be considered. First of all,
work
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experience
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 can help
students
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 understand what it is like to have a job.
Teenagers
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 often don’t have a clear idea of what
work
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 involves or what skills are needed in the workplace. By spending time in a job, they can gain important practical knowledge and develop skills
such
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 as teamwork, communication, and responsibility.
For example
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, a student working in a café might learn how to interact with customers and manage their time efficiently, which are valuable life skills.
Additionally
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,
work
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experience
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 can help
students
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 make better career choices. Many young people are unsure about their future careers, and working for a short period can give them insight into different jobs.
This
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experience
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 might help them decide what they want to study
further
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 or what type of
work
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 they enjoy.
For instance
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, a student who works in an office might realize they prefer more creative jobs, which can guide their future decisions.
However
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, there are some potential downsides to
this
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 approach. One concern is that adding
work
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experience
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 to a student’s schedule could increase pressure and stress.
Teenagers
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 are already balancing schoolwork, exams, and personal life. Introducing
work
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 might overwhelm some
students
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, especially if they have to manage both academic and job responsibilities. Schools would need to ensure that the time spent working does not negatively impact
students
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' academic performance. In conclusion, I agree that offering
work
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experience
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 to
teenagers
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 could be beneficial in helping them understand the world of
work
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 and make informed career choices.
However
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, schools should carefully consider how to balance
this
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 with academic studies to avoid putting too much pressure on
students
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.

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your essay, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider using more linking words and phrases to enhance the overall flow.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear and comprehensive, you can further develop and elaborate on each main point. Provide more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing both the benefits and challenges of incorporating work experience into school curricula.
task achievement
You have used relevant and specific examples to support your points, making your arguments more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear starting and ending point for your arguments.
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