IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work. Schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extend do you agree?

#people #children #world #work #schools #teenagers #time #subjects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's society, many argue that schools should introduce
work
Use synonyms
experience
Use synonyms
 for
teenagers
Use synonyms
 alongside their academic studies.
While
Linking Words
 I believe there are clear benefits to
this
Linking Words
 idea, I
also
Linking Words
 think there are some challenges that need to be considered. First of all,
work
Use synonyms
experience
Use synonyms
 can help
students
Use synonyms
 understand what it is like to have a job.
Teenagers
Use synonyms
 often don’t have a clear idea of what
work
Use synonyms
 involves or what skills are needed in the workplace. By spending time in a job, they can gain important practical knowledge and develop skills
such
Linking Words
 as teamwork, communication, and responsibility.
For example
Linking Words
, a student working in a café might learn how to interact with customers and manage their time efficiently, which are valuable life skills.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
work
Use synonyms
experience
Use synonyms
 can help
students
Use synonyms
 make better career choices. Many young people are unsure about their future careers, and working for a short period can give them insight into different jobs.
This
Linking Words
experience
Use synonyms
 might help them decide what they want to study
further
Linking Words
 or what type of
work
Use synonyms
 they enjoy.
For instance
Linking Words
, a student who works in an office might realize they prefer more creative jobs, which can guide their future decisions.
However
Linking Words
, there are some potential downsides to
this
Linking Words
 approach. One concern is that adding
work
Use synonyms
experience
Use synonyms
 to a student’s schedule could increase pressure and stress.
Teenagers
Use synonyms
 are already balancing schoolwork, exams, and personal life. Introducing
work
Use synonyms
 might overwhelm some
students
Use synonyms
, especially if they have to manage both academic and job responsibilities. Schools would need to ensure that the time spent working does not negatively impact
students
Use synonyms
' academic performance. In conclusion, I agree that offering
work
Use synonyms
experience
Use synonyms
 to
teenagers
Use synonyms
 could be beneficial in helping them understand the world of
work
Use synonyms
 and make informed career choices.
However
Linking Words
, schools should carefully consider how to balance
this
Linking Words
 with academic studies to avoid putting too much pressure on
students
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by acaitaz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your essay, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider using more linking words and phrases to enhance the overall flow.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear and comprehensive, you can further develop and elaborate on each main point. Provide more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing both the benefits and challenges of incorporating work experience into school curricula.
task achievement
You have used relevant and specific examples to support your points, making your arguments more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear starting and ending point for your arguments.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: