The table below shows the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of survey asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.

The table below shows the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of survey asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the diagram it is illustrated how many
people
visited the Ashdown Museum in the
year
before its
renovation
and in the
year
after and how satisfied the
visitors
were during these two periods. Not only
the
Add a missing verb
did the
show examples
number of
visitors
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
raised
rise
after the refurbishment, but
also
the proportion of satisfied
people
increased in the second period. The number of
people
visiting the museum was steeply rising from 74000 in the
year
before the
renovation
to 92000 in the
year
after the
renovation
.
While
there were 40% of
people
dissatisfied with their experience at the museum in the first period, there were only 15% of unsatisfied
visitors
after the
renovation
. The proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very dissatisfied
visitors
halfed
Correct your spelling
halved
from 10% before to 5% after the refurbishment. 
Furthermore
, the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very satisfied
visitors
more than doubled from 15% to 35% after
renovation
.
In addition
, the
satisfied
Correct quantifier usage
number of satisfied
show examples
people
increased from 30% to 40% in the second period,
while
people
giving no response were stable at 5%.
Submitted by nadja_stenz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, year, renovation, visitors with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • visitor statistics
  • refurbishment
  • museum attendance
  • satisfaction survey
  • seasonal variations
  • visitor feedback
  • trends and patterns
  • customer satisfaction
  • renovation impact
  • peak and off-peak
  • visitor experience
  • upgrades and enhancements
  • cultural attraction
  • tourism industry
  • visitor demographics
  • exhibit quality
  • accessibility improvements
  • facilities enhancement
  • feedback analysis
  • hospitality services
  • interactive displays
What to do next:
Look at other essays: