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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of survey asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.

The table below shows the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of survey asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.
#visitors #ashdown #museum #year #show #survey #visit #two #periods
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In the diagram it is illustrated how many
people
Use synonyms
 visited the Ashdown Museum in the
year
Use synonyms
 before its
renovation
Use synonyms
 and in the
year
Use synonyms
 after and how satisfied the
visitors
Use synonyms
 were during these two periods. Not only
the
Add a missing verb
did the
show examples
 number of
visitors
Use synonyms
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
raised
rise
 after the refurbishment, but
also
Linking Words
 the proportion of satisfied
people
Use synonyms
 increased in the second period. The number of
people
Use synonyms
 visiting the museum was steeply rising from 74000 in the
year
Use synonyms
 before the
renovation
Use synonyms
 to 92000 in the
year
Use synonyms
 after the
renovation
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 there were 40% of
people
Use synonyms
 dissatisfied with their experience at the museum in the first period, there were only 15% of unsatisfied
visitors
Use synonyms
 after the
renovation
Use synonyms
. The proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very dissatisfied
visitors
Use synonyms
halfed
Correct your spelling
halved
 from 10% before to 5% after the refurbishment. 
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very satisfied
visitors
Use synonyms
 more than doubled from 15% to 35% after
renovation
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
satisfied
Correct quantifier usage
number of satisfied
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 increased from 30% to 40% in the second period,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 giving no response were stable at 5%.
Submitted by nadja_stenz on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, year, renovation, visitors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • visitor statistics
  • refurbishment
  • museum attendance
  • satisfaction survey
  • seasonal variations
  • visitor feedback
  • trends and patterns
  • customer satisfaction
  • renovation impact
  • peak and off-peak
  • visitor experience
  • upgrades and enhancements
  • cultural attraction
  • tourism industry
  • visitor demographics
  • exhibit quality
  • accessibility improvements
  • facilities enhancement
  • feedback analysis
  • hospitality services
  • interactive displays
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