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Band 5.5

Is teaching people aged 65 or above to use computers a good way to use government money, or is it a waste of time and resources? Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

#people #computers #government #money #waste #time #resources #points
A
lot
 of countries offer
computer
 lessons to
peolple
Correct your spelling
people
 over the age of 65 years. Some argue that
this
 is useful spent money,
while
 others think that
this
 only consumes time and resources without giving any benefits.
This
 essay will discuss both sides and give my opinion by way of
conclusion
Correct article usage
a conclusion
show examples
. On the one hand, there are arguments why teaching old
people
 how to
use
 computers is not useful.
While
 there are some motivated older men and women, there are a
lot
older
Change preposition
of older
show examples
people
 who aren't interested in newer technologies like computers at all and state that there is no
necessarity
Correct your spelling
necessity
of using
Change preposition
to use
show examples
 them during their daily life. As unmotivated ones participating
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
such
 a
computer
 course would not learn a
lot
, it would be a waste of time and money to offer
this
 possibility.
On the other hand
, there are some thoughts
why
Change preposition
on why
show examples
 it is
imoprtant
Correct your spelling
important
 to teach
people
 over 65
in using
Change preposition
to use
show examples
 a
computer
. Nowadays a
lot
 of daily activities include a certain ability to
use
 technology,
for example
 in Switzerland we have to
use
 kind of a
computer
 to buy a train or bus ticket. Without any ability
of using
Replace the preposition
to use
show examples
 newer technologies, old
people
 aren't able to
use
 public transport anymore, leading to a detrimental in their quality of life.
Although
 there are arguments against providing
computer
 lessons to older
people
, as a
lot
 of them are not motivated to learn how to
use
 a
computer
, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
 it is very important, especially for older
people
, to stay active and up to date
also
 with the
computer
 technology to not
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 the access to important abilities of the daily life.
Submitted by nadja_stenz on

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task achievement
You have addressed both points of view and given your own opinion, which is a strong point. However, the essay would benefit from more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, you can mention specific scenarios where older people might find computers useful.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, some paragraphs could be better organized to improve the flow of ideas. For instance, linking sentences could be used more effectively to ensure smooth transitions between points.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and the two viewpoints you will discuss. This sets a clear expectation for the reader.
logical structure
You have provided a balanced discussion by presenting both sides of the argument before giving your own opinion, which demonstrates a well-rounded understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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