IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that children should be educated at school about paying taxes and personal budgeting in order to help them better manage their finances when they are older. Others think that parents should teach these things, and that children will understand taxes and how to spend money carefully through life experience in the future. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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A group of individuals consider that pupils should be taught at
school
Use synonyms
 about tax payment and personal budgeting as it will help them to spend
money
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 in a better way in the future, meanwhile, others think that
parents
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 should explain it to their
children
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,
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apply
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 and that life experience will teach them how to manage their
money
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 and
taxes
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. The essay agrees that a balanced approach should be used regarding
this
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 question because all of us should understand from our childhood how to spend
money
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 attentively and
this
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 can be provided by the role of both
school
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 and
parents
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. Every person has to deal with
money
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 as getting older, but not all people can do it correctly
due to
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 low
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of financial accuracy.
However
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, the lack of financial literacy appears owing to not being educated about it from
school
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 years.
Children
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's personal abilities are formed during
school
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 time so it is crucial to teach them at least
basics
Correct article usage
the basics
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 of
taxes
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 and
money
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 management. Recent research by Minnesota University demonstrates that
schools
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 can help
children
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 a lot by teaching them about
money
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 expenditure and
taxes
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 which can be understood from their interviews, particularly 77.2% of adults who face problems with accurate
money
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 spending simply do not have financial accuracy since they were not taught about it at
school
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,
in contrast
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, 88.2% of recent pupils and students who study at local
schools
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 and colleges perfectly deal with that process and do not have any problems. Babies open their eyes to
this
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 world in their families and in the beginning, they are like a white piece of paper, so their personalities get created and developed with the help of their
parents
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.
According to
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this
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 statement,
it is clear that
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parents
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 know their
children
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 better than someone else in
school
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,
furthermore
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,
schools
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 can never exactly know what they spend their
money
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 on and the manner of expenditure,
while
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parents
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 know. It would be easier for
parents
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 rather than teachers to control their kids and help them to do it in a more accurate way.
In addition
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,
this
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 method seems to be more effective because
children
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 are more likely to listen to their
parents
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.
For instance
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, 83.2% of schoolers who study in 11 state
schools
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 of Essex claim that they would like to get the help of their families rather than teachers. In my opinion, if both
schools
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 and teachers help kids and explain to them how to use their
money
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 and pay
taxes
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, better results can be observed as both institutions affect
children
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 in a different but still strong way.
To conclude
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,
although
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 some people suggest that
schools
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 or families should teach their
children
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 about
money
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 expenditure and
taxes
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, the given essay strongly supports the idea of balance.

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and supports its main points with relevant examples. However, try to make your arguments even clearer and more detailed to achieve a higher score.
coherence cohesion
While your essay generally follows a logical structure, consider using more transitional phrases to further improve the flow and connectivity between paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete and relevant response to the task, discussing both views and offering a balanced opinion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and reiterates the main points discussed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • personal budgeting
  • tax education
  • money management
  • spending habits
  • debt prevention
  • life skills
  • allowance
  • financial responsibility
  • collaboration
  • structured learning
  • practical experiences
  • foundational knowledge
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