Write about the following topic: In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and includes relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #countries #phone #cellphone #apps #development

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Without a shadow of a doubt, the current century is the era of digital marketing. The use of paid applications like Upside and Kingcash has increased globally, with many individuals relying on them for their purchasing needs. The advantages of these apps include their user-friendliness and environmental benefits,

while

the drawbacks highlight issues

such

as a lack of knowledge among users and the potential dangers posed by hackers who can crack these applications. Regarding the plus points, it is thought that payment software has a big impact on daily life and is widely used. The main benefit is that people do not have to carry money to buy goods and services anymore.

This

means that

instead

of using cash, most individuals are testing these programs.

Secondly

, it is beneficial for the environment,

for example

, it prevents cutting trees that are used to make paper for printing money. In fact, when used correctly, it brings many positive effects. Regarding the minus points,

firstly

, a majority of people do not have enough knowledge to work with these programs or find it challenging to do so.

As a result

, they tend to use them less often.

Secondly

, it is believed that these apps are not very secure and trustworthy, and many hackers around the world can easily infiltrate them.

In addition

this

means people's identities and personal information can be stolen.

Finally

this

issue is an area of concern. In conclusion, online payments are convenient and efficient, but they

also

come with risks. To build trust in these systems, it's crucial to improve safety and educate consumers.

Submitted by m.rezakarami69 on Sun Sep 29 2024

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task achievement

Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, try to integrate more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you can mention specific statistics or studies about the usage rates of mobile payment apps in different countries.

task achievement

Make sure that your ideas are thoroughly explained. Some points felt a bit underdeveloped. For instance, you mentioned the environmental benefits but did not delve deeply into how significant these benefits are. Also, there was a line stating, 'it is beneficial for the environment,' followed by an example about trees, but more elaboration would make it clearer.

coherence cohesion

Your essay shows a logical flow of ideas, which is a strong point. However, make sure that the transitions between different points are smoother. For example, the shift from the advantages to disadvantages could have been more fluid.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively.

task achievement

The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages comprehensively, addressing the topic from multiple angles which is very important for a balanced analysis.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

264 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Mobile payment apps
Encryption
Biometric authentication
Expense tracking
Budgeting tools
Digital divide
Social inequalities
Privacy concerns
Personal data
Cyber-attacks
Internet connectivity
Tech-savvy
Exploitation of data
Real-time updates
Fraud

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages? Transactions are trackable convenient if no cash available

Many people choose to travel abroad to learn a foreign language instead of studying in their home town. Do the advantages of learning a new language in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects in elementary school such as reading, writing and math. For far do you agree or disagree?

It is important for travellers and business people to understand the cultures they come into contact with, however briefly. What are the main advantages of doing so? What do you think is the main disadvantage of doing so?

Some people say that what children watch influences their behaviour. Others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their be haviour most. Discuss both vie ws and give your opinion.