IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some believe that it is a natural process for animal species to become extinct and therefore, there is no reason to try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?

#believe #process #species #reason
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There are many reasons that lead to animal extinction.
Although
, archeology has proven that it's a natural process for living organisms, it's
also
 clear that human activities
such
 as deforestation have led to the wipeout of a large range of animals.
To begin
, As mentioned above ,Human activities have led to a huge flaw in the ecological balance.
This
 is because actions
such
 as overharvesting and introducing non-native species as a pest control mechanism lead to the loss of a lot of natural habitats.
For example
 ,scientists have introduced small mongoose into the Hawaiian islands to control the spread of rats but what so they imagined to be a “good solution “has led to an even bigger problem as the latter started eating native species causing corruption in the ecosystem.
In addition
, When looking into history, an unusual pattern can be noticed as today’s extinction rate is hundreds or even thousands of times higher than the natural baseline one.
Moreover
,if we neglect
this
 issue
furthermore
 it will only lead to huge losses in multiple aspects of life.To illustrate, the absence of a carnivore from its system leads to a large increase in the number of herbivores in it and
thus
 diseases will be more spreadable infecting a lot of the animals we depend on for food
such
 as cows which would negatively affect the economy.
To sum up
, animal extinction isn’t an ignorable problem as it’s mainly caused by human activities .
Submitted by m.mahmoud.2005 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by using clear transition words and organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with distinct points. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that clearly states its main idea.
task achievement
Strengthen your main points with more relevant, specific examples and evidence. This will help make your argument more convincing and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Address potential counterarguments to demonstrate critical thinking and understanding of the complexity of the issue. This can help in providing a more balanced and comprehensive response.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets the stage by briefly mentioning the natural process of animal extinction and human activities related to it, which is good for framing the essay.
relevant specific examples
You provide specific examples, such as the mongoose in Hawaii, which help to illustrate your points. Including such examples strengthens your argument by providing concrete evidence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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