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Band 4

Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, work and leisure activites. To what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relavant examples for your own knowledge and experience.

#information #technology #aspects #lives #home #work #leisure #activites #relavant
In
this
 modern world, computer technology plays
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an indespensible
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indespensible
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indispensable
 role in easing life in every
ways
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way
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 of better living. Many people
believes
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believe
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 that advancements in technology made living habits more effective even with
spenidng
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spending
 leisure time
although
 some segmnets of
socity
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society
 still consider
to use
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using
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minimal
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a minimal
the minimal
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 amount of
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 in
dalily
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daily
 living because of traditional
lifetsyles
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lifestyles
. I believe information technology has proved much
reliable
Correct quantifier usage
more reliable
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 and effective in every section of
world
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the world
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 and
i
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I
show examples
 will bolster the benefits of using computer advancements in subsequent paragraphs.
Submitted by priyankagondaliya007 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay needs a clearer structure and more well-defined paragraphs. Consider organizing your points in a more logical flow, such as starting with an introduction, followed by paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and concluding with your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific examples. This will help in making your argument more persuasive and thorough.
task achievement
You need to expand on your points with supporting details and examples. Specific examples or anecdotes can make your arguments more vivid and persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure your points are clear and comprehensively explained. Avoid vague statements and focus on providing a thorough analysis of each point.
grammar
Be mindful of grammatical errors and proper word usage. For example, "indespensible" should be "indispensable" and "spenidng" should be "spending". These errors can detract from the overall clarity of your essay.
content
You've chosen a relevant and contemporary topic, addressing the significance of information technology in modern life.
structure
Your introduction attempts to set the stage for discussing the pros and cons of information technology, which is good for engaging the reader.
content
The use of phrases like 'traditional lifestyles' vs. 'advancements in technology' shows an understanding of the contrasting views, which can help in creating balanced arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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