wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that rich nations should allow more refugees to enter their borders and help by providing them with basic needs of living,
such
as food
and shelter. This
essay totally agrees with this
statement because the developed countries
have enough resources to help these people
and they are fleeing from countries
which are affected by the wars and famine.
Wealthy countries
have a huge resources
to give Correct the article-noun agreement
huge resources
a huge resource
food
and housing to displaced people
. These nations receive a lot of millions
dollars from the general public and businessmen in the Add the preposition
millions of
forms
of taxes, and in Fix the agreement mistake
form
this
way
they often generate income. Add a comma
way,
Thus
, if they spend a tiny fraction of their earning to contribute for
the lives of refugees, Change preposition
to
this
will help them to survive in the world. For example
, a recent study has shown that the US has a more than eight percent
GDP in the Change the spelling
per cent
last
year, and if they contribute a small portion of gross income for the affected people
of Syria, it will lead to a better living of
standard.
Another reason is that the developed Change preposition
apply
countries
should provide a place to those people
which
are affected by the war and Correct pronoun usage
who
food
shortage. This
is one kind of the
moral obligation on the big states, Correct article usage
apply
such
as the US, China, England, etc. Nobody wants to leave their homeland until asked to do so, and some people
are forced to leave their country due to
ongoing battles. For example
, Canada has recently invited a lot of citizens of the Ukraine by helping them through free food
and accommodations during the war between the
Russia and Ukraine.
Correct article usage
apply
To conclude
, affluent nations must accept more refugees because they have available resources and also
protect them against the
war by the way of Correct article usage
apply
food
and shelter.Submitted by amancaur9319 on
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task achievement
Your essay broadly addresses the prompt and offers a clear stance. However, to strengthen your argument, try providing more in-depth examples and analyses, such as specific policies or historical instances where wealthy nations have successfully supported refugees. This would enhance the persuasiveness of your points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more effectively by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main point. Also, consider using more varied transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas. This will make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. Consider revising sentences to be more concise and ensuring subject-verb agreement. For example, instead of saying "the developed countries should provide a place to those people which are affected," it could be "developed countries should provide a place for people who are affected."
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the US supporting people from Syria and Canada helping Ukrainian citizens. This makes your argument more concrete and credible.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?