IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that rich nations should allow more refugees to enter their borders and help by providing them with basic needs of living,
such
Linking Words
 as
food
Use synonyms
 and shelter.
This
Linking Words
 essay totally agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement because the developed
countries
Use synonyms
 have enough resources to help these
people
Use synonyms
 and they are fleeing from
countries
Use synonyms
 which are affected by the wars and famine. Wealthy
countries
Use synonyms
 have
a huge resources
Correct the article-noun agreement
huge resources
a huge resource
show examples
 to give
food
Use synonyms
 and housing to displaced
people
Use synonyms
. These nations receive a lot of
millions
Add the preposition
millions of
show examples
 dollars from the general public and businessmen in the
forms
Fix the agreement mistake
form
show examples
 of taxes, and in
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 they often generate income.
Thus
Linking Words
, if they spend a tiny fraction of their earning to contribute
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the lives of refugees,
this
Linking Words
 will help them to survive in the world.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent study has shown that the US has a more than eight
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 GDP in the
last
Linking Words
 year, and if they contribute a small portion of gross income for the affected
people
Use synonyms
 of Syria, it will lead to a better living
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
standard. Another reason is that the developed
countries
Use synonyms
 should provide a place to those
people
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are affected by the war and
food
Use synonyms
 shortage.
This
Linking Words
 is one kind of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
moral obligation on the big states,
such
Linking Words
 as the US, China, England, etc. Nobody wants to leave their homeland until asked to do so, and some
people
Use synonyms
 are forced to leave their country
due to
Linking Words
 ongoing battles.
For example
Linking Words
, Canada has recently invited a lot of citizens of the Ukraine by helping them through free
food
Use synonyms
 and accommodations during the war between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Russia and Ukraine.
To conclude
Linking Words
, affluent nations must accept more refugees because they have available resources and
also
Linking Words
 protect them against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
war by the way of
food
Use synonyms
 and shelter.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay broadly addresses the prompt and offers a clear stance. However, to strengthen your argument, try providing more in-depth examples and analyses, such as specific policies or historical instances where wealthy nations have successfully supported refugees. This would enhance the persuasiveness of your points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more effectively by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main point. Also, consider using more varied transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas. This will make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. Consider revising sentences to be more concise and ensuring subject-verb agreement. For example, instead of saying "the developed countries should provide a place to those people which are affected," it could be "developed countries should provide a place for people who are affected."
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the US supporting people from Syria and Canada helping Ukrainian citizens. This makes your argument more concrete and credible.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Refugees
  • Asylum seekers
  • Humanitarian aid
  • Integration
  • Multiculturalism
  • Economic impact
  • Public services
  • International law
  • Conventions relating to the status of refugees
  • Labor market
  • Cultural enrichment
  • Burden-sharing
  • Resettlement programs
  • Host country
  • Border security
  • Comprehensive policy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: