wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that rich nations should allow more refugees to enter their borders and help by providing them with basic needs of living,
such
as
food
and shelter.
This
essay totally agrees with
this
statement because the developed
countries
have enough resources to help these
people
and they are fleeing from
countries
which are affected by the wars and famine. Wealthy
countries
have
a huge resources
Correct the article-noun agreement
huge resources
a huge resource
show examples
to give
food
and housing to displaced
people
. These nations receive a lot of
millions
Add the preposition
millions of
show examples
dollars from the general public and businessmen in the
forms
Fix the agreement mistake
form
show examples
of taxes, and in
this
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
they often generate income.
Thus
, if they spend a tiny fraction of their earning to contribute
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the lives of refugees,
this
will help them to survive in the world.
For example
, a recent study has shown that the US has a more than eight
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
GDP in the
last
year, and if they contribute a small portion of gross income for the affected
people
of Syria, it will lead to a better living
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
standard. Another reason is that the developed
countries
should provide a place to those
people
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
are affected by the war and
food
shortage.
This
is one kind of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
moral obligation on the big states,
such
as the US, China, England, etc. Nobody wants to leave their homeland until asked to do so, and some
people
are forced to leave their country
due to
ongoing battles.
For example
, Canada has recently invited a lot of citizens of the Ukraine by helping them through free
food
and accommodations during the war between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Russia and Ukraine.
To conclude
, affluent nations must accept more refugees because they have available resources and
also
protect them against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
war by the way of
food
and shelter.
Submitted by amancaur9319 on

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task achievement
Your essay broadly addresses the prompt and offers a clear stance. However, to strengthen your argument, try providing more in-depth examples and analyses, such as specific policies or historical instances where wealthy nations have successfully supported refugees. This would enhance the persuasiveness of your points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more effectively by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main point. Also, consider using more varied transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas. This will make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. Consider revising sentences to be more concise and ensuring subject-verb agreement. For example, instead of saying "the developed countries should provide a place to those people which are affected," it could be "developed countries should provide a place for people who are affected."
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the US supporting people from Syria and Canada helping Ukrainian citizens. This makes your argument more concrete and credible.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Refugees
  • Asylum seekers
  • Humanitarian aid
  • Integration
  • Multiculturalism
  • Economic impact
  • Public services
  • International law
  • Conventions relating to the status of refugees
  • Labor market
  • Cultural enrichment
  • Burden-sharing
  • Resettlement programs
  • Host country
  • Border security
  • Comprehensive policy
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