•Nowadays, it is getting difficult for people to enjoy their lives in cities. Why do you think this is? What can the government do to make life in cities more enjoyable?

It appears that living in a city is getting tough.
Cities
are populated by
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
chunk of immigrants and less with local residents.
This
essay will show the reasons behind
this
concern and what initiatives should be taken by
government
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the government
show examples
to improve
this
situation. I believe that
major
Correct article usage
the major
show examples
reason behind
this
issue is “more
people
less job opportunities” means we have
low
Change the article
a low
the low
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number of employment opportunities in
cities
and
high
Change the article
a high
the high
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number of
people
.
For instance
, BBC
news
Capitalize word
News
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showed that in Surrey, Canada, 5
people
are sharing one small room, because they don’t have enough funds to afford
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual rooms as they are jobless.
Cities
nowadays have very thin roads
due to
which traffic issues are rapidly increasing.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
people
are preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
transit
instead
of their personal vehicle. On top of
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
there is
shortage
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a shortage
the shortage
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of
transit
vehicles as well, which is causing long wait
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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for
transit
services. I personally believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
needs to take some quick action to solve these problems.
Firstly
, they have to create more job opportunities by inviting big multinational companies to our
cities
,
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
they should stop inviting immigrants.
Secondly
, they have to construct
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
wider roads or more highways, till the meantime they constructing the roads, they should
also
come up with
an alternative routes
Correct the article-noun agreement
alternative routes
an alternative route
show examples
for resident so that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
will not impact their daily life.
Thirdly
,
government
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the government
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needs to improve their
transit
services as well by increasing the frequency of buses, trains etc.
lastly
Capitalize word
Lastly
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, there should be more events in
cities
for entertainment
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
, but before doing anything, permission should be taken by residents.
Submitted by saranshs712 on

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task achievement
Work on providing more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. More detailed examples would strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the coherence by making clearer connections between your ideas. For example, explain how inviting multinational companies will directly create jobs and decrease overcrowding.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses consistently on one main idea. This will help in logically structuring your essay better.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question directly and provides relevant points on why city life is tough and what the government can do to improve it.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the issue and what the essay will discuss.
task achievement
The essay shows a clear attempt to address all parts of the prompt, offering both reasons and solutions.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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