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Band 6.5

Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #technology
In
this
 contemporary era, many citizens believe that the evolution of
technology
 has made their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 flexible
while
 shopping
while
 other
people
 contradict
this
 opinion. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both of the perceptions and give my own kind of thoughts.
To begin
 with, it is widely believed that the evolution of technologies has impacted positive signs in Customer's lives
while
 shopping.
This
 is to say that,
due to
 the advancement of technologies
people
 can purchase any kind of good from online platforms using their smartphones.
Similarly
,
people
 can save time if they do shopping from online sites.
For instance
, if
people
 use
technology
while
 shopping they can easily find the products through application as they do not require to visit the shop physically.
Therefore
, it helps the masses to save time and gives quick access to the products.
On the other hand
, it has
also
 been seen as a negative trend in some communities.
This
 is
due to
 unreliable sources and over-dependency.
While
people
 shop online there are some possibilities of getting fraud as the majority of online platforms are not verified and are less reliable.
Therefore
,
this
 might result in
people
 not meeting the expectations and access to the product. Meanwhile, if
people
 are heavily dependent upon
technology
 the habit of
people
 will be lazy and there will be less physical involvement of citizens in the physical markets.
To conclude
, the life of humans will be flexible
due to
 the development of modern shopping. It is
also
 true that
due to
 evolving of modern
technology
 individuals will be heavily dependent on it. In my opinion, I firmly believe that the development of
technology
 has impacted
people
's lives in a more positive way than negative.
Submitted by cranjal07 on

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Task Response
You have addressed both sides of the argument and provided your own opinion, which fulfills the task requirements. However, try to include more specific examples to better support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized and the ideas flow logically, but work on varying your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. Additionally, some sentences could be clearer with minor revisions.
Introduction and Conclusion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
Supported Main Points
The main points in each paragraph are relevant and well-supported, which demonstrates your understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
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