IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #technology
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In
this
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 contemporary era, many citizens believe that the evolution of
technology
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 has made their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 flexible
while
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 shopping
while
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 other
people
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 contradict
this
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 opinion. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both of the perceptions and give my own kind of thoughts.
To begin
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 with, it is widely believed that the evolution of technologies has impacted positive signs in Customer's lives
while
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 shopping.
This
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 is to say that,
due to
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 the advancement of technologies
people
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 can purchase any kind of good from online platforms using their smartphones.
Similarly
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,
people
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 can save time if they do shopping from online sites.
For instance
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, if
people
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 use
technology
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while
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 shopping they can easily find the products through application as they do not require to visit the shop physically.
Therefore
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, it helps the masses to save time and gives quick access to the products.
On the other hand
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, it has
also
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 been seen as a negative trend in some communities.
This
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 is
due to
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 unreliable sources and over-dependency.
While
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people
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 shop online there are some possibilities of getting fraud as the majority of online platforms are not verified and are less reliable.
Therefore
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,
this
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 might result in
people
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 not meeting the expectations and access to the product. Meanwhile, if
people
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 are heavily dependent upon
technology
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 the habit of
people
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 will be lazy and there will be less physical involvement of citizens in the physical markets.
To conclude
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, the life of humans will be flexible
due to
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 the development of modern shopping. It is
also
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 true that
due to
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 evolving of modern
technology
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 individuals will be heavily dependent on it. In my opinion, I firmly believe that the development of
technology
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 has impacted
people
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's lives in a more positive way than negative.
Submitted by cranjal07 on

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Task Response
You have addressed both sides of the argument and provided your own opinion, which fulfills the task requirements. However, try to include more specific examples to better support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized and the ideas flow logically, but work on varying your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. Additionally, some sentences could be clearer with minor revisions.
Introduction and Conclusion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
Supported Main Points
The main points in each paragraph are relevant and well-supported, which demonstrates your understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
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