Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some people believe that
children
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should be taught by their
parents
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,
while
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others believe that sending
children
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to educational institutions is the best way for them to study
this
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.
Although
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,in my opinion, I believe that the family upbringing plays a more important role model in educating
children
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to be good parts of the community. School can be a good
places
Correct the article-noun agreement
place
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to
educating
Wrong verb form
educate
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kids
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. By the
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teachers
Add a comma
teachers,
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students
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can learn good things. The
teachers
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are a good model in educating
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
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. The
teachers
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always
learn to
Verb problem
teach
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students
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how can play
a
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in a
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good manner.
Firstly
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, the
teachers
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always teach how to behave
the
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in the
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community.
Secondly
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,
teachers
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can help the
students
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to learn how to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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.
For instance
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,
teachers
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when
tech
Correct your spelling
teach
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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students
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then
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they can play a good
behave
Replace the word
behaviour
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of
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. Despite above the arguments,
Family
Correct article usage
the Family
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is a more important role model to
children
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. Every
kid
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kid's
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first school is their family . They can learn by birth to the family member. Every
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parents
Change to a singular noun
parent
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always
tech
Correct your spelling
teaches
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their
kids
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how to be a good citizen.
On the other hand
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, by the
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parents
Add a comma
parents,
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kids
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can be learned how to be a good man.
As a result
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,
children
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Add a missing verb
are to
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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by
Change preposition
to
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their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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.
For example
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, if
children
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learn good things or good
manner
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manners
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by
Change preposition
from
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their
parents
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then
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they can behave as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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. In conclusion,
sending
Change preposition
by sending
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kids
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to educational institutions they can gain a good manner. But, in my opinion, I believe that
for
Change preposition
apply
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every
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children
Change to a singular noun
child
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need their family because
thay
Correct your spelling
they
can teach easily to their
parents
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.
Finally
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is the first priority to the
kids
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.
Submitted by mdtipusultanakhand on

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Language
Work on grammar and vocabulary to improve the overall clarity of your essay. For example, 'By the teachers students can learn good things' is unclear and should be revised for better understanding.
Details
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
Coherence
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your ideas and paragraphs. For example, use 'however,' 'therefore,' 'moreover,' etc., to connect your thoughts.
Structure
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which provides a complete structure to your essay.
Task Response
You have addressed both views of the topic, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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