Due to rapid development of technology children these days are living in a world that is completely different to what it was few decades back what problems can this cause for society and family?

There is no denying the fact that
the
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apply
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technology may have
bad
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a bad
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effect
to
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on
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our children.
While
it is a commonly held belief that the new generation will have more freedom in using
this
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these
show examples
tools, there is
also
an argument that
this
may
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
them badly.
This
essay will discuss the problem and
the
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its
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causes. On one hand, spending a lot of
time
facing a screen may cause you health problems.
In other words
, if you
did
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do
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not do any exercise that will
effect
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affect
show examples
your heart and you will gain more kilos and
that's
Verb problem
that will
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have
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
effect
in the future.
In addition
, many kids these days run away from engagements.
For example
, my brother
raised
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was raised
show examples
up
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apply
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with a PlayStation,
most
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and most
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of his
time
is
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was
show examples
spent
on
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apply
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playing he almost
lose
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lost
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his social experience because of
this
, he
can
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could
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not face
new
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the new
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person
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people
show examples
and have normal
chat
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chats
show examples
anymore.
Furthermore
, the new kids can not control their
time
.
For instance
, if there is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
exam or homework they can not start doing it because they are busy with the game and
that's
Unnecessary verb
that
show examples
will have bad results in
near
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the near
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time
.
Moreover
,
the
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apply
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children may lose their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
because of technology. It is
also
possible to say that, kids often play with enthusiasm and if one of the parents
cut
Wrong verb form
cuts
show examples
their game they will rage at the
on
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one
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who cut his game,
this
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and this
show examples
will create more problems between
kid
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the kid
show examples
and the parents. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that it is really bad the increase
of
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in
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technology,
this
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apply
show examples
will bring us a bad generation in the next decades.
Submitted by bcynfn159 on

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task achievement
To improve your task response, you should try to address the prompt more specifically and completely. You have discussed some problems caused by technology for society and family, but your examples, at times, appear repetitive and confined mostly to personal anecdotes.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but ensure you focus on developing each idea fully and avoid redundancy. This will enhance the clarity and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your arguments in a more coherent manner.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures. This can make your essay more engaging and help you express your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the context for the essay and outlines the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
You provide examples to support your points, which is good practice for strengthening your arguments.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • face-to-face interactions
  • family bonds
  • health problems
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • healthcare system
  • quality of life
  • educational inequalities
  • social skills
  • real-life interactions
  • communicate effectively
  • cybersecurity risks
  • cyberbullying
  • online predators
  • inappropriate content
  • overreliance
  • problem-solving
  • creativity
  • critical thinking skills
  • monitor and regulate
  • conflicts
  • stress
  • technology usage
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