IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that we cannot learn anything from the history for our life today, while others believe that history is a valuable source of information to understand human's life. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #history #life #source #information
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Some
people
 think that there's nothing we can learn from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 previous characters,
while
on the other hand
,some of them believe that there is a lot that we can learn from
history
,
such
 as avoiding the mistakes that
people
 before
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
made. In
this
article
Add a comma
article,
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 I will be discussing both views.
People
 who believe that we cannot learn from
history
 see that the problems that
people
 faced in the past are completely different from the problems that
people
 face now. And they
also
 think that the mentality and the way of thinking of man has changed over the years. In the end,
this
 is a point of view,and it may be right or wrong. But the important thing is that many
people
 agree
on
Change preposition
with
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this
 opinion.
On the other hand
,some
people
 see that we can easily learn from
history
,and it's an important thing that everyone should do
it
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apply
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,
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apply
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because the
people
how
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 lived before
us
Change the pronoun
we
show examples
 had
mor
Correct your spelling
more
 difficult experiences than we are experiencing now,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
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 they
hav
Correct your spelling
have
 been involved in more wars than we have. In
a
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apply
show examples
fact,most of us never witnessed
war
Add an article
the war
show examples
 in our lives. And there are a lot of characters that the
people
 who agree
wis
Correct your spelling
with
this
 opinion follow their example
such
 as Jesus Christ,
prophet
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the prophet
show examples
 Mohammed,and many other characters.
Finally
,these are the the tow posts of view,and each one of them has a lot of
people
 that agree with it.but I tend to the second opinion
,
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apply
show examples
because I find it more
convinsing
Correct your spelling
convincing
 because we cannot abandon
history
 and not learn from it.
Submitted by moh.alholimie on

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task achievement
Check for grammatical errors and typos to improve your score. For example, 'an previous characters' should be 'and previous characters.'
task achievement
Ensure you fully explain your points of view with more specific examples. This helps in enriching your essay and making your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Better explanation of connections between sentences and ideas can improve coherence. For example, use more transitional phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' etc.
task achievement
You have presented both views clearly and have made your position known at the end, which makes the essay well-rounded.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a conclusion, giving it a structured layout.
coherence cohesion
The essay logically follows a coherent structure, presenting one view and then the opposing view before concluding with your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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