IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

•Nowadays, it is getting difficult for people to enjoy their lives in cities. Why do you think this is? What can the government do to make life in cities more enjoyable?

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It is argued that these days
Correct article usage
the existance
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existance
Correct your spelling
existence
 of the public in the cities is getting
wrost
Correct your spelling
worst
worse
, which makes individual lives miserable.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 it has
also
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 been discussed that only authorities can make things normal. I completely agree with the idea and will support my opinion in
this
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 essay. Commencing to the idea,
currently
Add a comma
currently,
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 residents find no pleasure in living in the
rular
Correct your spelling
rural
 areas. There are many
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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 that make
city
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 least enjoyable for them. The first one is less greenery,as nature in the particular area keeps the air fresh, which is good for the health of
inhibitants
Correct your spelling
inhabitants
Similarly
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, polluted air causes many skin and
lungs
Change the noun form
lung
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 diseases and
for
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this
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 reason sometimes
public
Correct article usage
the public
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choose
Correct subject-verb agreement
chooses
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 the Northern areas to make them feel fresh and healthy.
For example
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, Naran and Kaghan are the most
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
 destinations by the Pakistani people for enjoyment and refreshment. The second fact is that most of the time individuals feel isolated in the
citties
Correct your spelling
cities
 because they know no one there. Staying away from their loved ones, for too long may increase stress in them. The third reason is more crime rates in the
rular
Correct your spelling
rural
 areas.
As crimes
Change preposition
Crimes
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 like kidnapping, snatching and murders, are common in these regions, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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life
Use synonyms
 terrifying and absurd.
For instance
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, Karachi, a famous
city
Use synonyms
 in Pakistan, is a hub of
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
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. The
inhibitants
Correct your spelling
inhabitants
 are scared of visiting public places because each day they face numerous
kidnaping
Correct your spelling
kidnapping
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 and murder cases.
Moreover
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, it is important for the government to take
such
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 steps to make
city
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
perfect
Correct article usage
a perfect
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 and enjoyable place for the population.
However
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, adding greenery in the regions, making laws to reduce crimes and punishing criminals, will help in making cities peaceful and
pleasureable
Correct your spelling
pleasurable
.
Aditionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, the construction of parks and other amusement points will
some how
Correct your spelling
somehow
show examples
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 the population less isolated.
Hence
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 it is proven from the above argument that
life
Use synonyms
 in the cities is getting absurd day by day.
Dispite
Correct your spelling
Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the facilities, people
are preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
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 to move to their hometowns for peace and pleasure.
Therefore
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, the solution is in the hands of the administration. Only their attention and sudden steps will create an ease for the population of the
city
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider dividing your essay into clearer paragraphs with clear topic sentences. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point, which will help in the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay and restates your stance.
task achievement
Avoid generalizations and ensure that each point is well-supported with specific examples and detailed explanations. This will make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic adequately, discussing the difficulties of life in cities and suggesting solutions.
coherence cohesion
Clear and comprehensive introduction and conclusion are present. This helps in making your stance clear to the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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