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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below give the number of people employed in five types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008.

The chart below give the number of people employed in five types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008.
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The bar chart illustrates the figure of
people
Use synonyms
 staffed in 5 fields of
work
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 in one nation of Australia between 2001 and 2008. In general,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 sales were the most common
work
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 that
people
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 wanted to do in 2001 and 2008.
By contrast
Linking Words
, they did not like to
work
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 in farming in the same years. On the one hand, in the field of sales, there were more than 140,000 individuals who were selling goods in 2001 and
this
Linking Words
 figure slightly increased to around 165,000 employees in 2008.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , the proportion of
people
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 who
work
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 in computing and nursing was around 50,000 and 60,000 staff in 2001.
However
Linking Words
, in 2008, it slightly increased to around 65,000 and 60,000
people
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, figures for accounting were under 64,000 employees from 2001 and 2008 .
in addition
Linking Words
 , the number of employees who
work
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 in farming was the lowest figure in
this
Linking Words
 chart, there were about 22,000
people
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 working in
this
Linking Words
 field and continued to
decreased
Change the form of the verb
decrease
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 in 2008.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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