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Band 7

The chart below give the number of people employed in five types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008.

The chart below give the number of people employed in five types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008.
#people #five #work #region #australia
The bar chart illustrates the figure of
people
 staffed in 5 fields of
work
 in one nation of Australia between 2001 and 2008. In general,
it is clear that
 sales were the most common
work
 that
people
 wanted to do in 2001 and 2008.
By contrast
, they did not like to
work
 in farming in the same years. On the one hand, in the field of sales, there were more than 140,000 individuals who were selling goods in 2001 and
this
 figure slightly increased to around 165,000 employees in 2008.
Moreover
 , the proportion of
people
 who
work
 in computing and nursing was around 50,000 and 60,000 staff in 2001.
However
, in 2008, it slightly increased to around 65,000 and 60,000
people
.
On the other hand
, figures for accounting were under 64,000 employees from 2001 and 2008 .
in addition
 , the number of employees who
work
 in farming was the lowest figure in
this
 chart, there were about 22,000
people
 working in
this
 field and continued to
decreased
Change the form of the verb
decrease
show examples
 in 2008.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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