IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#experts #children #language #school #outweigh
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One
 of the most controversial issues today relates to learning a second
language
 for
children
. In
this
 essay, I am going to examine
this
 question from both points of view. On
one
 side of the argument; there are people who argue that the benefits of learning a foreign
language
 at primary
school
 considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing
this
 is that if
children
 start learning it at an early age, they will speak
this
language
 fluently in the nearest time. It is
also
 possible to say that
children
 at
this
 stage of age do not have any responsibilities which may affect their learning
such
 as working or social relationships.
One
 good illustration of
this
 is in Dubai, where
children
 between ten to 18 years old speak English perfectly as they began learning it in year
one
.
On the other hand
, it is
also
 possible to make an opposing case. It is often argued that in fact,
children
 at
this
 age may lose their mother
language
.People often have
this
 opinion because
children
 may get confused between their original and second
language
due to
 variations of words and gr
ammar
Change the capitalization
Ammar
show examples
, which will not happen at the secondary
school
 stage. A second point is that when
children
 lose their original
language
, they will
also
 lose their culture because their culture has been written in their
language
. A particularly good example here is;
most
Correct word choice
that most
show examples
 Libyan
children
 in the United Kingdom do not speak Arabic well,
in addition
, they do not know anything about their history and culture. As we have seen, there are no easy answers to
this
 question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that it is essential to teach
children
 a foreign
language
 at primary
school
 rather than secondary
school
.
Submitted by Jod on

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task achievement
Ensure a more balanced discussion by developing both sides of the argument equally. While the essay discusses advantages and disadvantages, the view supporting early language learning is more developed.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures to enhance the flow of the essay. This will help maintain the reader's interest and improve overall coherence.
task achievement
Address minor grammatical errors, such as the incomplete sentence in paragraph two about grammar disparities.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that frames the discussion nicely.
task achievement
Good use of examples, such as those from Dubai and Libya, which effectively illustrate the main points.
task achievement
The essay covers the prompt comprehensively by addressing both advantages and disadvantages of early language learning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • pronunciation
  • self-conscious
  • cultural awareness
  • global society
  • proficiency levels
  • competitive job market
  • foundational skills
  • qualified teachers
  • recreational activities
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