IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Despite evidence that certain types of food are harmful, many people choose to eat unhealthy food. What do you think are the causes of this problem and measures can be taken to solve it?

#evidence #food #people #measures
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It is argued that certain
type
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types
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 of dietary patterns lead to negative health outcomes.
Eventhough
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Even though
, evidence suggests certain types of diet might have harmful consequences they continue to consume the diet regardless. In
this
essay
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essay,
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 I will discuss the causes and will provide measures to prevent it.
To begin
 with,
the
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apply
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industrialization
have
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has
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 built machines to mass produce, preserve and prepare them instantly upon request by the customer.
Firstly
, these types of diets are
higly
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highly
 modified with sugar, salt and saturated fat to increase
the
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apply
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palatability.
In addition
, they are highly calibrated and
mass produced
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mass-produced
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 to maintain their taste.
Moreover
, the busy
life style
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lifestyle
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 especially in urban
area
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areas
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 minimizes the time to prepare food, leading to rely on the convenience of these unhealthy diets.
On the other hand
,
neccessary
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necessary
 measures need to be attempted to minimize or eradicate the consumption of these diets. Adults should allocate time to prepare their food and carefully select the components of their daily intake. Children should be made aware and encouraged to bring food from home rather than purchasing outside. Workshops and awareness programs must be conducted by medical professionals to bring attention to the subject to collectively make changes. In conclusion, the consumption of these foods once in a
while
 could be not that harmful.
However
, more evidence
need
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needs
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 to be accumulated and converted into simple language so everybody can collectively understand to make a beneficial change for the
overall
 health and
well being
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well-being
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 of the society.
Submitted by onlineconsumer on

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task achievement
Try to organize your essay better by starting with a brief introduction, then addressing the causes and solutions more clearly. Currently, the argument is somewhat scattered.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by using more transition words such as 'furthermore,' 'however,' and 'in addition.' This would make the essay flow better.
task achievement
Make sure to add specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific types of unhealthy foods or real-life examples where better dietary education has led to healthier eating habits.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, lending a sense of completeness to the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both causes and solutions, which is good for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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