IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Despite evidence that certain types of food are harmful, many people choose to eat unhealthy food. What do you think are the causes of this problem and measures can be taken to solve it?

#evidence #food #people #measures
It is argued that certain
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of dietary patterns lead to negative health outcomes.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
, evidence suggests certain types of diet might have harmful consequences they continue to consume the diet regardless. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss the causes and will provide measures to prevent it.
To begin
 with,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industrialization
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 built machines to mass produce, preserve and prepare them instantly upon request by the customer.
Firstly
, these types of diets are
higly
Correct your spelling
highly
 modified with sugar, salt and saturated fat to increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
palatability.
In addition
, they are highly calibrated and
mass produced
Add a hyphen
mass-produced
show examples
 to maintain their taste.
Moreover
, the busy
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 especially in urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 minimizes the time to prepare food, leading to rely on the convenience of these unhealthy diets.
On the other hand
,
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 measures need to be attempted to minimize or eradicate the consumption of these diets. Adults should allocate time to prepare their food and carefully select the components of their daily intake. Children should be made aware and encouraged to bring food from home rather than purchasing outside. Workshops and awareness programs must be conducted by medical professionals to bring attention to the subject to collectively make changes. In conclusion, the consumption of these foods once in a
while
 could be not that harmful.
However
, more evidence
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be accumulated and converted into simple language so everybody can collectively understand to make a beneficial change for the
overall
 health and
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 of the society.
Submitted by onlineconsumer on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to organize your essay better by starting with a brief introduction, then addressing the causes and solutions more clearly. Currently, the argument is somewhat scattered.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by using more transition words such as 'furthermore,' 'however,' and 'in addition.' This would make the essay flow better.
task achievement
Make sure to add specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific types of unhealthy foods or real-life examples where better dietary education has led to healthier eating habits.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, lending a sense of completeness to the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both causes and solutions, which is good for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!