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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is better for the students to live away from the home during their university studies rather than staying with their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #home #university #studies #parents
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There is a statement that says
students
 need to live away from their
parents
instead
 of living
together with
 them during university studies. I personally agree with
this
 notion and I will elaborate on the reasons in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with,
students
 who live far away from home will be more independent. As they need to take care of themselves on their own, they need to learn to control unnecessary things
such
 as buying junk food.
Students
 who become settled foreigners usually have limited money to use and thereby they have to manage their budget to be sufficient enough in a particular time.
For example
,
parents
 usually provide monthly pocket money for their wander children and the
parents
 believe that they will use up rightfully. Owing to
this
 phenomenon, these kinds of
students
 usually find a way to get additional money by working part-time.
Therefore
, they will learn how to balance their studies
while
 working.
Conversely
, living with
parents
while
 studying at university leads scholars to be more focused. As their
parents
 provide all their basic needs, they do not need to worry about it anymore. Scholars will be more motivated to study and thereby they can achieve higher scores in their courses.
For instance
,
students
 who bring a lunchbox from their
parents
 will have more time to study for their exam which will be held after lunchtime, compared to wandering
students
 who need to buy food for lunch outside the campus.
However
,
students
 who still live
together with
 family are likely to have difficulty in doing social events with peers
such
 as parties.
Parents
 tend to ask them to stay at home rather than spend time in a non-sense activity. In conclusion, living with
parents
 during university studies lets
students
 be more focused on learning,
however
, I strongly believe that living far away from home is more beneficial in terms of fostering interpersonal skills.
Submitted by chocolate10 on

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task achievement
Consider providing a more explicit thesis statement outlining the main points that will be discussed in the essay to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly from one idea to the next by using a variety of cohesive devices. This can strengthen the logical flow of your argument.
task achievement
Expand on the opposing viewpoint in more detail, as it helps to provide a more balanced argument and demonstrates critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
Conclude by succinctly summarizing the main points discussed in the essay rather than repeating them, to make a stronger final impression.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples to support the main points, making the argument more persuasive.
task achievement
The ideas are comprehensive and clearly explained, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • time management
  • organizational skills
  • diverse social environments
  • broader network
  • professional contacts
  • accommodation
  • financial burden
  • emotional support
  • psychological support
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • academic pressures
  • familial support system
  • distraction
  • focused study environment
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