Some people believe that money makes life comfortable. Others think that a large amount of wealth brings more troubles. Do the advantages of having a lot of money outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #money #life #amount #wealth #troubles

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A vast majority of

people

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state that

money

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makes life convenient

whereas

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some others argue that owning a great amount of

money

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might bring problems.

This

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essay will discuss why the advantages of having

money

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outdo the

the

Remove the redundancy

apply

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disadvantages. In today's world where capitalism can be found anywhere, having a lot of

money

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will undoubtedly help

people

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to survive. As a human being, we cannot deny the fact that life would be so pleasant to own a house,

Correct word choice

and a

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vehicle and to be able to eat good food

everyday

Replace the word

every day

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, all of which cost

money

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Moreover

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, having

money

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means all bills and taxes are covered, and

this

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reduces the financial stress for many individuals.

Billionares

Correct your spelling

Billionaires

are the perfect example of why having

money

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brings convenience. They spend more

money

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than

people

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Change preposition

show examples

average to make everything more comfortable for them.

Therefore

Linking Words

money

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is needed in exchange

Change preposition

for

show examples

comfort. There are

also

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some potential drawbacks of owning excessive

amount

Fix the agreement mistake

amounts

show examples

money

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as the possibility of getting robbed and the invasion of privacy for

billionares

Correct your spelling

billionaires

. There are multiple cases where the rich

complains

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complain

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about having zero privacy as they have to go everywhere with bodyguards to prevent them from getting mobbed by the public. These

people

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cannot experience the freedom to live as ordinary

people

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However

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this

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is not an everyday case and mostly happens to famous individuals, because for

majority

Add an article

the majority

a majority

show examples

people

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, having a lot of

money

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brings financial freedom which

make

Change the verb form

makes

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them worry less about tomorrow. In conclusion,

although

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having a lot of

money

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may cause

troubles

Fix the agreement mistake

trouble

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

some, it offers more advantages for most

people

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to be able to survive as

money

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pays bills and taxes.

Submitted by ameliahanakaru01 on Wed Oct 02 2024

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writing style

The essay could benefit from using more varied sentence structures. Try to incorporate complex and compound sentences to make your writing more engaging.

grammar

Some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases are present. Make sure to proofread your essay and perhaps seek feedback from a peer or teacher to improve grammatical accuracy.

arguments evidence

The examples provided could be more specific and detailed. Including concrete examples or data will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.

structure

The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion topic.

argument balance

You have addressed both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view before giving your own perspective on the topic.

clarity relevance

The main points were clear and directly relevant to the topic, which enhances the overall effectiveness of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

277 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
assets
investment
quality of life
employment opportunities
healthcare
freedom
philanthropic activities
stress and anxiety
financial status
trust issues
jealousy
privacy
scrutiny

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Some people believe that money makes life comfortable. Others think that a large amount of wealth brings more troubles. Do the advantages of having a lot of money outweigh the disadvantages?

Your opinion

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this.

Some people think city planners should create more green spaces and plant trees. Others believe that they should focus on building new homes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Today many young people change their jobs or careers every few years. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

Some people argue that when children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough, the children will be sucessful in life. Some think that it will lead to negative pressure on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.