IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that money makes life comfortable. Others think that a large amount of wealth brings more troubles. Do the advantages of having a lot of money outweigh the disadvantages?

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A vast majority of
people
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 state that
money
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 makes life convenient
whereas
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 some others argue that owning a great amount of
money
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 might bring problems.
This
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 essay will discuss why the advantages of having
money
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 outdo the
the
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apply
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disadvantages. In today's world where capitalism can be found anywhere, having a lot of
money
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 will undoubtedly help
people
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 to survive. As a human being, we cannot deny the fact that life would be so pleasant to own a house,
a
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and a
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vehicle and to be able to eat good food
everyday
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every day
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, all of which cost
money
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.
Moreover
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, having
money
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 means all bills and taxes are covered, and
this
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 reduces the financial stress for many individuals.
Billionares
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Billionaires
 are the perfect example of why having
money
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 brings convenience. They spend more
money
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 than
people
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in
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on
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 average to make everything more comfortable for them.
Therefore
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,
money
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 is needed in exchange
of
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for
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 comfort. There are
also
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 some potential drawbacks of owning excessive
amount
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amounts
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 of
money
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such
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 as the possibility of getting robbed and the invasion of privacy for
billionares
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billionaires
. There are multiple cases where the rich
complains
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complain
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 about having zero privacy as they have to go everywhere with bodyguards to prevent them from getting mobbed by the public. These
people
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 cannot experience the freedom to live as ordinary
people
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.
However
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,
this
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 is not an everyday case and mostly happens to famous individuals, because for
majority
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the majority
a majority
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 of
people
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, having a lot of
money
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 brings financial freedom which
make
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makes
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 them worry less about tomorrow. In conclusion,
although
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 having a lot of
money
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 may cause
troubles
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trouble
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to
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for
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 some, it offers more advantages for most
people
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 to be able to survive as
money
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 pays bills and taxes.

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writing style
The essay could benefit from using more varied sentence structures. Try to incorporate complex and compound sentences to make your writing more engaging.
grammar
Some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases are present. Make sure to proofread your essay and perhaps seek feedback from a peer or teacher to improve grammatical accuracy.
arguments evidence
The examples provided could be more specific and detailed. Including concrete examples or data will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
structure
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion topic.
argument balance
You have addressed both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view before giving your own perspective on the topic.
clarity relevance
The main points were clear and directly relevant to the topic, which enhances the overall effectiveness of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • assets
  • investment
  • quality of life
  • employment opportunities
  • healthcare
  • freedom
  • philanthropic activities
  • stress and anxiety
  • financial status
  • trust issues
  • jealousy
  • privacy
  • scrutiny
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