Some people believe that money makes life comfortable. Others think that a large amount of wealth brings more troubles. Do the advantages of having a lot of money outweigh the disadvantages?
A vast majority of
people
state that money
makes life convenient whereas
some others argue that owning a great amount of money
might bring problems. This
essay will discuss why the advantages of having money
outdo the the
disadvantages.
In today's world where capitalism can be found anywhere, having a lot of Remove the redundancy
apply
money
will undoubtedly help people
to survive. As a human being, we cannot deny the fact that life would be so pleasant to own a house, a
vehicle and to be able to eat good food Correct word choice
and a
everyday
, all of which cost Replace the word
every day
money
. Moreover
, having money
means all bills and taxes are covered, and this
reduces the financial stress for many individuals. Billionares
are the perfect example of why having Correct your spelling
Billionaires
money
brings convenience. They spend more money
than people
in
average to make everything more comfortable for them. Change preposition
on
Therefore
, money
is needed in exchange of
comfort.
There are Change preposition
for
also
some potential drawbacks of owning excessive amount
of Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
money
such
as the possibility of getting robbed and the invasion of privacy for billionares
. There are multiple cases where the rich Correct your spelling
billionaires
complains
about having zero privacy as they have to go everywhere with bodyguards to prevent them from getting mobbed by the public. These Change the verb form
complain
people
cannot experience the freedom to live as ordinary people
. However
, this
is not an everyday case and mostly happens to famous individuals, because for majority
of Add an article
the majority
a majority
people
, having a lot of money
brings financial freedom which make
them worry less about tomorrow.
In conclusion, Change the verb form
makes
although
having a lot of money
may cause troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
to
some, it offers more advantages for most Change preposition
for
people
to be able to survive as money
pays bills and taxes.Submitted by ameliahanakaru01 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
writing style
The essay could benefit from using more varied sentence structures. Try to incorporate complex and compound sentences to make your writing more engaging.
grammar
Some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases are present. Make sure to proofread your essay and perhaps seek feedback from a peer or teacher to improve grammatical accuracy.
arguments evidence
The examples provided could be more specific and detailed. Including concrete examples or data will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
structure
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion topic.
argument balance
You have addressed both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view before giving your own perspective on the topic.
clarity relevance
The main points were clear and directly relevant to the topic, which enhances the overall effectiveness of the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?