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Band 4

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

#countries #home #people #be #case #situation
In recent years the construction of
houses
 has grown
up
Change preposition
apply
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due to
 the needs of
people
.
Hence
, the prices should be decreased and more
people
 can afford a home. Owing a home can have numerous advantages.
However
, it might be expensive for some individuals. They prefer to rent an apartment or a house and it is a very rational choice. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will outline the positives and negatives of these situations.
Firstly
, buying a house can convey
the
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to the
show examples
 owner a sense of relief. Because they know they are living
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their property and they are not stressed about damaging or demolishing someone else’s property. A lot of
people
 pay more to achieve that.
On the other hand
, some rich
people
 purchase some
houses
 just
for investing
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to invest
show examples
 and it could lead to catastrophic
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
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 to society and the prices would
be exploded
Wrong verb form
explode
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.
secondly
, renting
houses
 is your best option when you are struggling with bad economic circumstances. Obviously, it has some drawbacks and adverse consequences.
For instance
, you should obey
owner's
Correct article usage
the owner's
show examples
 rules for managing the apartment. But, you can invest
on
Change preposition
in
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 something else than in
houses
 by saving your money. In my opinion, each of the options has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 advantages and disadvantages, and the economic
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 very important. There are
enormous
Change the article
an enormous
the enormous
show examples
 number of
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
 you can visit for both renting and buying with or without the help of real
estates
Fix the agreement mistake
estate
show examples
.
At the end
 of the day, you are the decision maker and responsible for your own money.
Submitted by aneizehbaz on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the question, outlining both positives and negatives of owning versus renting a home. However, it could benefit from a more in-depth analysis and inclusion of relevant, specific examples to better support the points made.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While there is some logical flow, it can be enhanced by using more cohesive devices and making clearer connections between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion well.
task achievement
The author effectively acknowledges both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
What to do next:
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